Friday, March 24, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

One time, she got me so mad, we got into a fist fight. You know how you know when you lost a fight to your woman? When the cops come to your house and ask you do you want to press charges. That's how you know it didn't go as you planned.

Kevin Hart

Thursday, March 23, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

Yesterday was the L.A. Marathon. Actually there wasn’t supposed to be a marathon — people on the 405 freeway just gave up and got out of their cars.
Conan O'Brien

Wednesday, March 22, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

George Carlin

Tuesday, March 21, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers. 

Homer Simpson

Monday, March 20, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.

George Carlin

Saturday, March 18, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

Procrastination isn't the problem, it's the solution. So procrastinate now, don't put it off.

Ellen DeGeneres

Friday, March 17, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

I read about a marijuana dispensary in Los Angeles that doubles as an art gallery. Yep. Patrons stare at the art for hours before being told, “Sir, that’s an exit sign.”
Jimmy Fallon