Friday, April 3, 2020

A Touch Of Humor

"You know when they have a fishing show on TV? They catch the fish and then let it go. They don't want to eat the fish, they just want to make it late for something."

Mitch Hedberg

Thursday, April 2, 2020

A Touch Of Humor

[Applying for a mortgage to buy a house] It's a lot of work. They ask you so many questions, like - "Oh hey did you happen to apply for a Visa Card in 1999 at 7-Eleven so you could get half-off on a salted nut roll?" You can't lie, it's a federal offense. So you have to be like - I remember getting a good deal on a salted nut roll one time. [Pause] And then you don't get the house. That's how it works.

Mary Mack

Wednesday, April 1, 2020

A Touch Of Humor

I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums.

Steven Wright

Tuesday, March 31, 2020

A Touch Of Humor

“I like threesomes with two women, not because I'm a cynical sexual predator. Oh no! But because I'm a romantic. I'm looking for "The One." And I'll find her more quickly if I audition two at a time.”
― Russell Brand

Monday, March 30, 2020

A Touch Of Humor

"To those who are complaining about the quarantine period and curfews, just remember that your grandparents were called to war; you are being called to sit on the couch and watch Netflix. You can do this."

Author Unknown - Thank you to my friend Ben Haney for sharing this with us.

Saturday, March 28, 2020

A Touch Of Humor

[With his now ex-girlfriend] We were in this kind of weird where is this going kind of place. And then we were sitting on the couch watching TV. And one of those De Beers diamond commercials comes on. And it used to end with, "A diamond is forever." And the girl I was dating looked over at me and she was like, "You know a diamond is forever." And I was like, "I know. So is Styrofoam."

Drew Barth

Thursday, March 26, 2020

A Touch Of Humor

Sometimes I wonder whether the world is being run by smart people who are putting us on, or by imbeciles who really mean it.

Mark Twain