Thursday, June 30, 2022

A Touch of Humor

Everything is funny, as long as it’s happening to somebody else.

Will Rogers

Wednesday, June 29, 2022

Tuesday, June 28, 2022

A Touch of Humor

If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.

Dalai Lama

Monday, June 27, 2022

Friday, June 24, 2022

A Touch of Humor

 The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. The guy who invented the other three, he was a genius.

Sid Caesar

Thursday, June 23, 2022

A Touch of Humor

If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?

Milton Berle

Wednesday, June 22, 2022

A Touch of Humor

 The Internet is just a world passing around notes in a classroom.

Jon Stewart

Tuesday, June 21, 2022

A Touch of Humor

 Cleaning up with children around is like shoveling during a blizzard.

Margaret Culkin Banning

Monday, June 20, 2022

A Touch of Humor

 My wife was afraid of the dark... then she saw me naked and now she's afraid of the light. 

Rodney Dangerfield

Read more at https://www.brainyquote.com/authors/rodney-dangerfield-quotes

Friday, June 17, 2022

A Touch of Humor

The first human who hurled an insult instead of a stone was the founder of civilization. 

Sigmund Freud

Read more at https://www.brainyquote.com/authors/sigmund-freud-quotes

Thursday, June 16, 2022

A Touch of Humor

 My wife can't cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. An antler got stuck in my throat. 

Rodney Dangerfield

Read more at https://www.brainyquote.com/authors/rodney-dangerfield-quotes

Wednesday, June 15, 2022

A Touch of Humor

 I think everybody's nuts.

 Johnny Depp

Read more at https://www.brainyquote.com/authors/johnny-depp-quotes

Tuesday, June 14, 2022

A Touch of Humor

 I am so busy doing nothing... that the idea of doing anything - which as you know, always leads to something - cuts into the nothing and then forces me to have to drop everything. 

Jerry Seinfeld

Read more at https://www.brainyquote.com/authors/jerry-seinfeld-quotes

Monday, June 13, 2022

A Touch of Humor

 Don't ever forget two things I'm going to tell you. One, don't believe everything that's written about you. Two, don't pick up too many checks.

 Babe Ruth

Read more at https://www.brainyquote.com/authors/babe-ruth-quotes

Friday, June 10, 2022

A Touch of Humor

  “Instead of the mahi mahi, may I just get the one mahi because I’m not that hungry?”

—Shelley Darlingson (Anna Faris), The House Bunny

Thursday, June 9, 2022

A Touch of Humor

 “I grew up with six brothers. That’s how I learned to dance: waiting for the bathroom.”

—Bob Hope

Wednesday, June 8, 2022

A Touch of Humor

 “I prefer not to think before speaking. I like being as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth.”

—Anonymous

Tuesday, June 7, 2022

A Touch of Humor

  “People say, ‘But Betty, Facebook is a great way to connect with old friends.’ Well, at my age, if I want to connect with old friends I need a Ouija board.”

—Betty White

Monday, June 6, 2022

A Touch of Humor

 “Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops.”

—Mortimer Brewster (Cary Grant), Arsenic and Old Lace

Friday, June 3, 2022

A Touch of Humor

  Lucy: “There’s just two things keeping me from dancing in that show.”

Fred: “Your feet?”

—Lucy (Lucille Ball) and Fred Mertz (William Frawley), I Love Lucy

Thursday, June 2, 2022

A Touch of Humor

  “Truth hurts. Maybe not as much as jumping on a bicycle with a seat missing, but it hurts.”

—Lt. Frank Drebin (Leslie Nielsen), Naked Gun 2½: The Smell of Fear

Wednesday, June 1, 2022

A Touch of Humor

  “There’s nothing wrong with you that an expensive operation can’t prolong.”

—Surgeon (Graham Chapman), Monty Python’s Flying Circus