Wednesday, April 26, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

I read that after the success of their in-store cafes, Ikea might open its own restaurants. Which is great, until you have to assemble your own table.

Jimmy Fallon

Tuesday, April 25, 2017

A Touch of Humor


A Touch of Humor

                 

A Touch Of Humor

According to a new survey, 44 percent of people would rather take a longer flight that costs more than fly United Airlines. When they heard this, American Airlines said, “Done and done.”
Conan O'Brien

Monday, April 24, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

A Florida senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he pushed it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left.

"Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-95, pushing the pedal even more.

Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a Florida State Trooper, blue lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this!" and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival.

Pulling in behind him, the trooper got out of his vehicle and walked up to the Corvette. He looked at his watch, then said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a new reason for speeding--a reason I've never before heard -- I'll let you go."

The old gentleman paused then said, "Three years ago, my wife ran off with a Florida State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back." 



"Have a good day, Sir," replied the trooper

A Touch Of Humor

Today is 4/20. 4/20 is that special day of the year when everyone who smokes pot continues to smoke pot.
Conan O'Brien

Sunday, April 23, 2017

Touch of Humor


Touch of Humor

                                                            Harry's Last Words

Friday, April 21, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

Scientists are now claiming that every hour spent running increases your lifespan by seven hours. In other words, a majority of Americans died three years ago.
Conan O'Brien

Thursday, April 20, 2017

Wednesday, April 19, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

A new poll finds that more than half of American adults say they’ve smoked marijuana. While the other half said, “Wait ... what was the question?”
Jimmy Fallon

Tuesday, April 18, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

Dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them's making a poop, the other one's carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge. 

Jerry Seinfeld

Monday, April 17, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

Tostitos is coming out with a limited-edition bag that actually doubles as a breathalyzer. Here’s how it works: If you’re breathing into a bag of Tostitos, you’re probably drunk.
Jimmy Fallon

Friday, April 14, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

Most of us believe everyone has a right to his own opinion as long as it agrees with ours.

Andy Rooney

Tuesday, April 11, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

A New Jersey man recently admitted to stealing $20,000 worth of ginger ale from a grocery store. He said he wasn’t planning on stealing so much, he just got Schwepped up in it.
Seth Meyers

Monday, April 10, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

Groucho Marx.

A Touch of Humor

                                                                                      Google Images

A Touch of Humor

                                                                   Google Images

A Touch of Humor

                                                                       Google Images

Friday, April 7, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

Dictionary.com has added 300 new words including smackdown, throw shade, sext, and bitchface. The announcement was made by Dictionary.com’s CEO, a 15-year-old girl named Ashley.
Conan O"Brien

Thursday, April 6, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

The biggest seller is cookbooks and the second is diet books; how not to eat what you've just learned how to cook.

Andy Rooney

Wednesday, April 5, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

"Abstinence is a healthy choice that many teens will make, either by choice, or as I can attest, by circumstance."

John Oliver

Tuesday, April 4, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

"I love deadlines. I like the wooshing sound they make as they fly by."

Douglas Adams

Monday, April 3, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

The good psychic would pick up the phone before it rang. Of course it is possible there was no one on the other line. Once she said "God Bless you" I said, "I didn't sneeze" She looked deep into my eyes and said, "You will, eventually." And damn it if she wasn't right. Two days later I sneezed.

Ellen DeGeneres

Saturday, April 1, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

The Baltimore airport just got a gym where you can work out while you wait for a flight. Finally combining the two things Americans love most — waiting in airports and exercise.
Jimmy Fallon