Friday, July 20, 2018

A Touch Of Humor

“Exercise is a dirty word. Every time I hear it I wash my mouth out with chocolate.”
Charles M. Schulz ("Peanuts" Creator)

Thursday, July 19, 2018

A Touch Of Humor

  • A couple in Florida are getting married and instead of wedding presents, they've asked for money to buy goats. Even crazier, one couple they invited was like, "Finally, a chance to regift this goat." - Jimmy Fallon

Wednesday, July 18, 2018

A Touch Of Humor

Thank God I don't have to hunt for my food. I don't even know where tacos live ...

Author Unknown

Tuesday, July 17, 2018

A Touch Of Humor

  • Researchers in Asia have developed a robot that is capable of assembling furniture from Ikea. Completely true! The robot assembled an Ikea chair in just about 20 minutes. If you think this will save you a lot of time, think again. The first step is, you've got to assemble the robots. - James Corden

Monday, July 16, 2018

A Touch Of Humor

  • A Republican congressional candidate sent out anti-Semitic messages in a robocall. Of course, anti-Semites are now furious that robots are taking their jobs. - Conan O'Brien

Friday, July 13, 2018

A Touch Of Humor

President Trump arrived in England today and he was greeted by hundreds of angry protesters. Of course, it didn’t help that Trump arrived in England wearing a Croatian soccer jersey. - Conan O'Brien

Thursday, July 12, 2018

A Touch Of Humor

Amazon is raising the price of its prime membership by $20. Which sounds like a lot, until you remember what it feels like to make eye contact with a cashier when you buy a 40-pack of toilet paper.

- Jimmy Fallon

Wednesday, July 11, 2018

A Touch Of Humor

Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.

Mark Twain

Tuesday, July 10, 2018

A Touch Of Humor

  • At this weekend's London marathon, a man proposed to his girlfriend while dressed as a T. Rex — which backfired when his arms were too short to open the ring box. - Jimmy Fallon

Monday, July 9, 2018

A Touch Of Humor

  • On Tuesday, a cow named Char won the "sexiest cow in Britain" award. Don’t worry, the organizers of the contest have been arrested. - Conan O'Brien

Saturday, July 7, 2018

A Touch Of Humor

  • New York's State Assembly is considering a new bill that would legalize alcoholic ice cream. "That's great news," said a five-year-old having a rough day. “Just a little something to take the edge off, Ma.” - Seth Meyers

Thursday, July 5, 2018

A Touch Of Humor

Teacher: "Where is your book?"

Student: "At home."

Teacher: "And what's it doing there?"

Student: "Having more fun than me."

Author Unknown

Wednesday, July 4, 2018

A Touch Of Humor

Americans will put up with anything provided it doesn't block traffic.

Dan Rather

Tuesday, July 3, 2018

A Touch Of Humor

  • Another major corporation has been hacked. Customer information has been compromised in a recent data breach at the restaurant chain Chili's. Chili's customers were furious, they were like, "I want my data back, data back, data back..." - James Corden

Monday, July 2, 2018

A Touch Of Humor

  • After 30 years on the bench, [Justice Anthony] Kennedy is retiring from the Supreme Court. He's 81 years old, so he's going to go from sitting around in a robe all day to sitting around in a robe all day. - Jimmy Fallon