Thursday, September 21, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there are men on base.” 
― Dave Barry

Wednesday, September 20, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

Religion has convinced people that there’s an invisible man…living in the sky, who watches everything you do every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a list of ten specific things he doesn’t want you to do. And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer and burn and scream until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you and he needs money.

George Carlin

Tuesday, September 19, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

You know the difference between a tornado and divorce in the south? Nothing! Someone is losing a trailer.

Robin Williams

Friday, September 15, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

Professional children's clowns are upset that the Stephen King movie "It" makes them look like murderers. That's true. And professional murderers are upset that it makes them look like children's clowns.

Conan O'Brien

Thursday, September 14, 2017

Wednesday, September 13, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

Familiarity breeds contempt. How accurate that is. The reason we hold truth in such respect is because we have so little opportunity to get familiar with it.

Mark Twain

Tuesday, September 12, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

“Violence and smut are of course everywhere on the airwaves. You cannot turn on your television without seeing them, although sometimes you have to hunt around.” 
― Dave Barry

Monday, September 11, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

“In high school, I was the class comedian as opposed to the class clown. The difference is the class clown is the guy who drops his pants at the football game, the class comedian is the guy who talked him into it."

Billy Crystal

Saturday, September 9, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

Murphy's Other 15 Laws (Courtesy of my friend Ben Haney)

1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

2. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

3. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

Friday, September 8, 2017

Thursday, September 7, 2017

Wednesday, September 6, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

What is a date really, but a job interview that lasts all night. The only difference is that in not many job interviews is there a chance you'll wind up naked. 

Jerry Seinfeld

Tuesday, September 5, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

It's weird when pregnant women feel the baby kicking. They say, “Oh my. He is kicking.” Do you wanna feel it? I always feel awkward reaching over there. Come on! It's weird to ask someone to feel your stomach. I don’t do that when I have gas. Oh my… give me your hand… It won't be long now…

Andy Rooney

Monday, September 4, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

“The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status, or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we all believe that we are above-average drivers.” 
― Dave Barry

Friday, September 1, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

I'm a — I'm a, um, a godmother which is just, that's fun to be a godmother, she is so precious, she's the light of my life, she's two... or five or something, and she's, uh... I don't know, I've never seen her — the pictures are precious, she just seems so, y'know... She lives clear across town, I don't have that kind of time, but, um... Well, I send money and stuff, it's not like I don't have a connection.

Ellen Degeneres

Thursday, August 31, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

If you don't like your job you don't strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way.

Homer Simpson

Wednesday, August 30, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

“All Dogs Go To Heaven? Sorry, kids. It's only the dogs who've accepted Christ.”  

Stephen Colbert

Monday, August 28, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

A 16-year-old Wichita high school student is running for governor of Kansas. The teenager’s two campaign promises are to address healthcare and get rid of trigonometry.

Conan O'Brien

Friday, August 25, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

“I hate reality but it's still the best place to get a good steak.” 
― Woody Allen

Thursday, August 24, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

Archaeologists have just uncovered evidence of a Native American civilization that vanished, completely vanished in the 13th century. Isn't that amazing? Apparently they died out months after selecting their new leader, Chief Trump. Then they were gone.

Conan O'Brien

Wednesday, August 23, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

“Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.” 
― Dave Barry

Tuesday, August 22, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

“I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it's such a beautiful animal. There you go. I think my mother is attractive, but I have photographs of her.”
Ellen DeGeneres

Monday, August 21, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

A man in the U.K. saved his pet tortoise by giving it mouth-to-mouth resuscitation — at least that’s what he told his wife when she walked in on them.

Jimmy Fallon

Friday, August 18, 2017

A Touch of Humor


A Touch of Humor


Three men were discussing aging at the nursing home.
“Sixty is the worst age to be,” said the 60-year-old. You always feel like you have to pee. And most of the time, you stand at the toilet and nothing comes out!”
“Ah, that’s nothin’,” said the 70-year-old. “When you’re seventy, you can’t even crap anymore. You take laxatives, eat bran, you sit on the toilet all day and nothin’ comes out!”
“Actually,” said the 80-year-old, “Eighty is the worst age of all.”
“Do you have trouble peeing too?” asked the 60-year-old.
“No, not really. I pee every morning at 6:00. I pee like a racehorse on a flat rock; no problem at all.”
“Do you have trouble crapping?”
“No, I crap every morning at 6:30.”
With great exasperation, the 60-year-old said, “Let me get this straight. You pee every morning at 6:00 and crap every morning at 6:30. So what’s so tough about being 80?”
“I don’t wake up until 7:00.”

A Touch Of Humor

In Virginia someone broke into a man's apartment, cleaned it, and took nothing. Completely cleaned the place. Police are describing the suspect as his mother.

Conan O'Brien

Thursday, August 17, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

I was made merely in the image of God, but not otherwise resembling Him enough to be mistaken for Him by anybody but a very nearsighted person.

Mark Twain

Wednesday, August 16, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

“I have no idea what I am doing but incompetence has never prevented me from plunging in with enthusiasm.” 
― Woody Allen

Tuesday, August 15, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

If God needs money, why doesn't he just write another Bible? The first one sold pretty well.

Homer Simpson

Monday, August 14, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

A California man is suing the makers of Heineken, claiming he found a gecko in his can of beer. But on the bright side, he did save 15 percent on car insurance.

Seth Meyers

Sunday, August 13, 2017

A Touch of Humor

                                                                                 Google Images

A Touch of Humor

                                                                             Google Images

Friday, August 11, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

Dave Barry On How You Too Could Own A Tank.  

“Perhaps you are thinking: 'But a tank costs several million dollars, not including floor mats. I don't have that kind of money.'
Don't be silly. You're a consumer, right? You have credit cards, right?
Perhaps you are thinking: 'Yes, but how am I going to pay the credit-card company?'
Don't be silly. You have a tank, right?” 
― Dave Barry

Thursday, August 10, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

Today is Smokey Bear’s 73rd birthday. You can tell Smokey's getting older because now his motto is "Just Let It Burn — I'm Watching 'Judge Judy.'"

Conan O'Brien

Wednesday, August 9, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

Sometimes when I am driving I get so angry at inconsiderate drivers that I want to scream at them. But then I remember how insignificant that is, and I thank God that I have a car and my health and gas. That was phrased wrong - normally you wouldn't say, thank God I have gas.

Ellen DeGeneres

Tuesday, August 8, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

“I did not marry the first girl that I fell in love with, because there was a tremendous religious conflict, at the time. She was an atheist, and I was an agnostic.” 
― Woody Allen

Monday, August 7, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

Trump is also being criticized for his conversation with the president of Mexico, where he called New Hampshire “a drug-infested den.” New Hampshire says it’s furious, while Colorado says it has to find a new nickname.

Jimmy Fallon

Friday, August 4, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

"The Today Show" just featured a group of moms in California who said that smoking weed makes them better parents. When asked if their kids agree, the moms were like, "Oh crap, the kids!"

Jimmy Fallon

Thursday, August 3, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

I want to share something with you: The three little sentences that will get you through life.

Number 1 - Cover for me.
Number 2 - Oh good idea, Boss!
Number 3 - It was like that when I got here.

Homer Simpson

Wednesday, August 2, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

Anne Hathaway is in talks to star in the upcoming “Barbie” movie. She’ll have to say goodbye to her brown hair for the role, while the actor playing Ken will have to say goodbye to something else.

Jimmy Fallon

Tuesday, August 1, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

Doctors are criticizing a hospital in Georgia for having a McDonald's restaurant in-house. When in fact, they should be praising McDonald’s for having a hospital around it.

Seth Meyers

Monday, July 31, 2017

Friday, July 28, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

The owner of a clown motel in Nevada is looking to sell it. The clown motel is like any other motel, except it only has one parking spot.

Jimmy Fallon

Thursday, July 27, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

We seem to be going through a period of nostalgia, and everyone seems to think yesterday was better than today. I don't think it was, and I would advise you not to wait ten years before admitting today was great. If you're hung up on nostalgia, pretend today is yesterday and just go out and have one hell of a time.

Art Buchwald

Wednesday, July 26, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

“The only thing that scares me more than space aliens is the idea that there aren't any space aliens. We can't be the best that creation has to offer. I pray we're not all there is. If so, we're in big trouble.”
Ellen DeGeneres

Tuesday, July 25, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

Always do right; this will gratify some people and astonish the rest.

Mark Twain

Monday, July 24, 2017

A Touch OF Humor

When I look at the smiles on all the children's faces, I just know they're about to jab me with something. 

Homer Simpson

Friday, July 21, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

I was the best man at the wedding. If I'm the best man, why is she marrying him? 

Jerry Seinfeld

Thursday, July 20, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

Two Papa John’s employees in Washington State were arrested this week for allegedly delivering cocaine in pizza boxes. Authorities became suspicious when Papa John’s started getting five-star Yelp reviews that were 47 paragraphs long.

Seth Meyers

Wednesday, July 19, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

Thirty-six percent of Americans say that they've heard the voice of God. It's not clear of that 36% how many people are mistaking the voice of God for the voice of Morgan Freeman. That's an easy mistake to make.

John Oliver

Tuesday, July 18, 2017

Monday, July 17, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

“Aside from Velcro, time is the most mysterious substance in the universe. You can't see it or touch it, yet a plumber can charge you upwards of seventy-five dollars per hour for it, without necessarily fixing anything.” 
― Dave Barry

Friday, July 14, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

One thing that's good about procrastination is that you always have something planned for tomorrow.

G.B. [Gladys Bertha] Stern

Thursday, July 13, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

Concerning the difference between man and the jackass: some observers hold that there isn't any. But this wrongs the jackass.

Mark Twain

Wednesday, July 12, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

There’s a new museum opening in Sweden this summer called the Museum of Failure. When asked when they’d finish it, builders said, “We probably won’t.”
Jimmy Fallon

Tuesday, July 11, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

“I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me.” 
― Dave Barry

Monday, July 10, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

There isn't a child who hasn't gone out into the brave new world who eventually doesn't return to the old homestead carrying a bundle of dirty clothing.

Art Buchwald

Sunday, July 9, 2017

A Touch of Humor

                                                                               Google Images

Friday, July 7, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

“I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.” 

Mark Twain

Thursday, July 6, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

“Accept who you are. Unless you're a serial killer.” 

Ellen DeGeneres

Wednesday, July 5, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

A college student in Florida is accused of breaking into a building and changing his grade from an “F” to a “B.” His parents were like, “Really, you can't even get an 'A' when you're cheating?”
Jimmy Fallon

Tuesday, July 4, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

Astronomers are saying that a mysterious signal from space was caused by gas surrounding a comet. Of course, the comet is claiming the gas came from its dog.

Conan O'Brien

Monday, July 3, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

I once had a leather jacket that got ruined in the rain. Why does moisture ruin leather? Aren't cows outside a lot of the time? When it's raining, do cows go up to the farmhouse, "Let us in! We're all wearing leather! Open the door! We're going to ruin the whole outfit here!" 

Jerry Seinfeld

Saturday, July 1, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

On Jun 24, 2017, at 3:24 PM, my friend Ben Haney sent this joke:

The Urinal  Is Too High:

A group of 3rd, 4th, and 5th graders, accompanied by two female teachers, went on a field trip to the local racetrack, (Churchill Downs ) to learn about thoroughbred horses and the supporting industry (Bourbon), but mostly to see the horses.

When it was time to take the children to the bathroom, it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other.

The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the men's room when one of the boys came out and told her that none of them could reach the urinal.

Having no choice, she went inside, helped the boys with their pants, and began hoisting the little boys up one by one … holding on to their little 'wee-wees' to direct the flow away from their clothes.

As she lifted one little guy, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually well endowed. Trying not to show that she was staring, the teacher said, "You must be in the 5th grade." 

"No ma'am," he replied, "I'm riding Silver Arrow in the seventh race … but I appreciate your help."

Friday, June 30, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

“I'm not a believer, I call myself an atheist. It was man who invented God. I once wrote that there are 15 things I know about God, and one is that he is allergic to shellfish. There are far too many commandments and you really only need one: Do not hurt anybody."

Carl Reiner

Thursday, June 29, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

“I'm a godmother, that's a great thing to be, a godmother. She calls me god for short, that's cute, I taught her that.”  

Ellen DeGeneres 

Wednesday, June 28, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

Can you believe how many award shows they have now? They have awards for commercials. The Cleo Awards, a whole show full of commercials. I taped it and then I fast-forwarded through the whole thing.

Andy Rooney

Tuesday, June 27, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

A boy in Maryland this weekend was trapped in an arcade claw machine after climbing through the prize door. Luckily, rescuers were able to get him out after about 35 quarters.

Seth Meyers

Monday, June 26, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

I think Smithers picked me because of my motivational skills. Everyone says they have to work a lot harder when I'm around. 

Homer Simpson

Friday, June 23, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

I read about a couple in Vermont that is selling their house, and part of it extends over the border into Canada. It’s really cool — it has three bedrooms, two baths, and free healthcare.

Jimmy Fallon

A Touch of Humor


A Touch of Humor


Thursday, June 22, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

The only thing that scares me more than space aliens is the idea that there aren't any space aliens. We can't be the best that creation has to offer. I pray we're not all there is. If so, we're in big trouble.

Ellen DeGeneres

Wednesday, June 21, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

I'd like to acknowledge three people who early on knew Mel Brooks was one of the funniest people in the world. Sid Caesar, me, and Mel Brooks.

Carl Reiner

Tuesday, June 20, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

Fox News is dropping its famous tagline, “Fair and Balanced.” Fox News is swapping it for the more accurate tagline, “Paranoia and Ads for Cialis.”

Conan O'Brien

Monday, June 19, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

Fox News is changing its slogan and it turns out they’re not the only TV network that’s getting a new one. For example, Disney Channel’s new slogan is “cheaper than a babysitter.”

Jimmy Fallon

Friday, June 16, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

Vegetarian – that’s an old Indian word meaning ‘lousy hunter’

Andy Rooney

Thursday, June 15, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

Puerto Rico has decided they want to become a U.S. state. When they heard about it, California said, “That’s great, they can take our place.”

Conan O'Brien

Wednesday, June 14, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

L.A. is one of the two finalists to host the 2024 Olympics. So if you want to attend one of the events in L.A., you should get on the freeway now.
Conan O'Brien

Tuesday, June 13, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

"Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them."

Bill Maher

Monday, June 12, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

An 88-year-old woman has set a new record for oldest female to stand on the wing of a flying plane. It sounds dangerous, but it’s actually the safest place to be when you fly United.

Seth Meyers

Friday, June 9, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

Kuwaiti customs officials recently captured a pigeon found carrying almost 200 ecstasy pills in a tiny backpack. Officials first became suspicious when they saw a pigeon wearing a tiny backpack.
Seth Meyers

Thursday, June 8, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

At a Walmart in Minnesota, a customer had to tackle a confused deer after it wandered into the store. The deer is fine and was released back into the wild, which makes this the happiest possible ending to a story of a deer walking into one of America’s largest suppliers of hunting rifles.

Walmart is already trying to capitalize on this by changing their slogan to “Walmart: Where You Can Always Save a Buck.”

James Corden

Wednesday, June 7, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

Two people in Arkansas were arrested for stealing $5,000 worth of Little Debbie snack cakes. They were charged with theft and I assume possession of weed.

Jimmy Fallon

Tuesday, June 6, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

An Ohio man recently proposed to his girlfriend at the finish line of a marathon. And she can never find out that he really said, “Will you carry me?”
Seth Meyers

Monday, June 5, 2017

Friday, June 2, 2017

A Touch of Humor


A Touch of Humor

                                                 A Sure Cure                   Google Images

A Touch Of Humor

The louder he talked of his honor, the faster we counted our spoons.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson


Thursday, June 1, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

In Cambodia, an actress is not allowed to make movies because the country’s government said she’s too sexy. So, ladies and gentlemen, now you know why I’m not allowed to make a movie in Cambodia.
Conan O'Brien

Wednesday, May 31, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

A new report found that legal marijuana brought in more money last year than Girl Scout cookies did. Though to be fair, Girl Scout cookies wouldn’t have made as much money if it weren’t for marijuana.
Jimmy Fallon

Tuesday, May 30, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

A new study from Harvard says you can reduce the risk of a potentially fatal heart condition by eating six bars of chocolate a week. Yeah. It reduces the chance of a heart attack because once you give up being in shape, you have way less stress.
James Corden

Monday, May 29, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

"The news stories are coming so fast and frequently, I need Dramamine to watch CNN. I have breaking news fatigue. I do. I was talking to my doctor today. I said, is drinking in the afternoon right for me? And he said, I'm way ahead of you."

Bill Maher

Friday, May 26, 2017

A Touch of Humor

“If dogs could talk, it would take a lot of the fun out of owning one.”

Andy Rooney

Thursday, May 25, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

A 101-year-old man recently became the oldest person to sky dive. At least that’s the explanation coming from United Airlines.

Seth Meyers

Wednesday, May 24, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

Marijuana is legal here in California by state law. But it's still technically illegal, according to federal law. So the LAPD, the police, can't arrest you for having pot but an FBI agent can. It's confusing, right? Now imagine trying to understand that while you're high.
Jimmy Kimmel

Tuesday, May 23, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

A man in South Dakota is facing obstruction charges after ignoring orders from firefighters and running back into a burning building — twice — to save his beer. Even worse, both times he went back in, he ran right past his wife.
James Corden

Monday, May 22, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

Last week, a man in Washington State tried to get out of drug charges by bribing the policeman with Taco Bell. Um, “nacho” smart. Police got suspicious of narcotics when they saw the man doing 75 miles per hour — he was on foot.
Harry Styles ( Guest Host, The Late Late Show With James Corden)

Friday, May 19, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

Hackers claim that they have a copy of the new “Pirates of the Caribbean” movie, and they are seeking ransom money from Disney. Disney was like, “Go ahead, we just release the same exact movie every time and nobody’s noticed so far.”
The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon

Thursday, May 18, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

This week, a Toyota Land Cruiser set the record as the world’s fastest SUV after reaching 230 mph. Apparently somebody was really late to their kid’s soccer game.
Conan O'Brien

Wednesday, May 17, 2017

Tuesday, May 16, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

Police are looking for a man who stole $5,000 worth of wigs from a home in Brooklyn. They described the man as blond… or brunet… or red-headed... Could be anything at this point.
Jimmy Fallon

Monday, May 15, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

Humor from Warren Buffett, 86-year-old legendary investor:

"I'm one quarter Coca-Cola," Buffett tells Fortune. "If I eat 2700 calories a day, a quarter of that is Coca-Cola. I drink at least five 12-ounce servings."

His explanation for his sugar-centric diet: "I checked the actuarial tables, and the lowest death rate is among six-year-olds. So I decided to eat like a six-year-old. It's the safest course I can take."


Sunday, May 14, 2017

A Touch of Humor

                                                               Getting a Clue

A Touch of Humor

                                                       Head over Heels in Dandelions.
                                                                         Google Images

Friday, May 12, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

To me, political office should be like jury duty. You should just get a notice in the mail and be like, "I'm Secretary of State next month!"

Wanda Sykes

Thursday, May 11, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

On this day in 1960, the FDA approved the world’s first commercially produced birth control pill. And on this day in 1961, the first couple learned what 99.9 percent effective means.
Seth Meyers

Wednesday, May 10, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

Saudi Arabia has been named to the United Nations’ Commission on Women’s Rights. In a related story, Ireland has been named to the UN Commission on Sobriety and Tanning.
Conan O'Brien

Tuesday, May 9, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

Curious people are interesting people: I wonder why that is.

Bill Maher

Monday, May 8, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

The nation’s first drive-through marijuana dispensary is opening tomorrow in Colorado. Also, down the street will be the world’s most successful DUI checkpoint.
James Corden

Friday, May 5, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

An archaeologist is claiming he’s discovered an amazing lost city in Kansas. Then he realized he just got drunk and watched “The Wizard of Oz.”
Conan O'Brien

Thursday, May 4, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

“It's paradoxical that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn't appeal to anyone.” 

Andy Rooney

Wednesday, May 3, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

Heineken just came out with a new ad where two people who disagree on an issue are put in a room together to talk about it over beer. ’Cuz if there’s one thing that helps an argument, it’s alcohol.'
Jimmy Fallon

Tuesday, May 2, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

According to most studies, people's number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death. Death is number two. Does that sound right? This means to the average person, if you go to a funeral, you're better off in the casket than doing the eulogy. 

Jerry Seinfeld

Monday, May 1, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

‘What Are Black People Supposed to Do on This Holiday?’

Trevor Noah expressed his amazement on “The Daily Show” on Wednesday that something called Confederate Memorial Day still exists, even if it’s just in Alabama and Mississippi.

“What are black people supposed to do on this holiday?” he asked.

He imagined the dilemma: “So I either don’t get the day off, or I support slavery? Man, I’ll take the day off, but I’m watching B.E.T. [Black Entertainment Television] the whole time.”

Friday, April 28, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

A New Jersey restaurant has begun selling a massive taco-covered pizza for $75. “Seems a little steep,” said a customer who was looking at the three steps in front of the restaurant.

Seth Meyers

Thursday, April 27, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

American Airlines is under fire after one of its flight attendants allegedly yanked a stroller away from a mother with a baby. Passengers were outraged that the attendant took the stroller and not the baby.
Conan O'Brien

Wednesday, April 26, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

I read that after the success of their in-store cafes, Ikea might open its own restaurants. Which is great, until you have to assemble your own table.

Jimmy Fallon

Tuesday, April 25, 2017

A Touch of Humor


A Touch of Humor

                 

A Touch Of Humor

According to a new survey, 44 percent of people would rather take a longer flight that costs more than fly United Airlines. When they heard this, American Airlines said, “Done and done.”
Conan O'Brien

Monday, April 24, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

A Florida senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he pushed it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left.

"Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-95, pushing the pedal even more.

Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a Florida State Trooper, blue lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this!" and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival.

Pulling in behind him, the trooper got out of his vehicle and walked up to the Corvette. He looked at his watch, then said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a new reason for speeding--a reason I've never before heard -- I'll let you go."

The old gentleman paused then said, "Three years ago, my wife ran off with a Florida State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back." 



"Have a good day, Sir," replied the trooper

A Touch Of Humor

Today is 4/20. 4/20 is that special day of the year when everyone who smokes pot continues to smoke pot.
Conan O'Brien

Sunday, April 23, 2017

Touch of Humor


Touch of Humor

                                                            Harry's Last Words

Friday, April 21, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

Scientists are now claiming that every hour spent running increases your lifespan by seven hours. In other words, a majority of Americans died three years ago.
Conan O'Brien

Thursday, April 20, 2017

Wednesday, April 19, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

A new poll finds that more than half of American adults say they’ve smoked marijuana. While the other half said, “Wait ... what was the question?”
Jimmy Fallon

Tuesday, April 18, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

Dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them's making a poop, the other one's carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge. 

Jerry Seinfeld

Monday, April 17, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

Tostitos is coming out with a limited-edition bag that actually doubles as a breathalyzer. Here’s how it works: If you’re breathing into a bag of Tostitos, you’re probably drunk.
Jimmy Fallon

Friday, April 14, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

Most of us believe everyone has a right to his own opinion as long as it agrees with ours.

Andy Rooney

Tuesday, April 11, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

A New Jersey man recently admitted to stealing $20,000 worth of ginger ale from a grocery store. He said he wasn’t planning on stealing so much, he just got Schwepped up in it.
Seth Meyers

Monday, April 10, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

Groucho Marx.

A Touch of Humor

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