Tuesday, September 18, 2018

A Touch Of Humor

  • The owner of the famous Bunny Ranch brothel won the primary for the Nevada state legislature. He won on his strong record of hiring women. - Conan O'Brien

Monday, September 17, 2018

A Touch Of Humor

  • SpaceX founder Elon Musk smoked pot on a podcast. You can tell he really liked it because now he's building a rocket that goes from Taco Bell to White Castle. - Jimmy Fallon

Thursday, September 13, 2018

A Touch Of Humor

The louder he talked of his honor, the faster we counted our spoons.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Wednesday, September 12, 2018

A Touch Of Humor

  • A man in Florida has been arrested for stealing over $5 million from his job at a local credit union to produce movies. He apparently got caught after the release of his new documentary, "How I Stole $5 Million From My Local Credit Union." - Seth Meyers

A Touch Of Humor

“It's so hard to believe in anything anymore. I mean, it's like, religion, you really can't take it seriously, because it seems so mythological, it seems so arbitrary...but, on the other hand, science is just pure empiricism, and by virtue of its method, it excludes metaphysics. I guess I wouldn't believe in anything anymore if it weren't for my lucky astrology mood watch.” 
― Steve Martin

Tuesday, September 11, 2018

A Touch Of Humor

  • It was announced today the most common vegetable that toddlers eat is French fries. Or as my brain processed this story: A study has confirmed that French fries are a vegetable. I ate two plates of vegetables today and some more vegetables tonight. I'm joking. You cannot just eat French fries. You have got to eat other vegetables. You know — onion rings, loaded potato skins, carrot cake. - James Corden

Monday, September 10, 2018

A Touch Of Humor

  • Colin Kaepernick, the quarterback who started the NFL kneeling protests, has been named the face of Nike's "Just Do It" campaign. I've already seen it. Here's the thing — some people are so angry about this they're actually burning their Nike shoes. Yeah. Burning your own shoes as a response to something. If only there was a word for that kind of action — oh yeah, "Protesting." - James Corden

Friday, September 7, 2018

A Touch Of Humor

  • White House Chief of Staff John Kelly released a statement last night denying that he called President Trump an idiot, saying, quote, "The idea that I ever called the president an idiot is not true. In fact, it's exactly the opposite." And it is the opposite. He called an idiot the president. - Seth Meyers

Thursday, September 6, 2018

A Touch Of Humor

  • Today, confirmation hearings continued for Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh. At one point, a protester screamed, "Sham president, sham justice!" Then security escorted Ruth Bader Ginsburg out of the room. - Jimmy Fallon

Wednesday, September 5, 2018

A Touch Of Humor

  • Former NFL quarterback Colin Kaepernick is the new face of Nike's "Just Do It" campaign. And President Trump was so upset that he told his staff to throw away all of his Nike workout gear. Then they said, "Sir, you don't have ANY workout gear." He said, "Look, just buy it and throw it away." - Jimmy Fallon

Tuesday, September 4, 2018

A Touch Of Humor

  • According to a new report, Amazon is working on a robot that follows its owner around the house. It's basically an Alexa on wheels. This is going to be a hot item. Here's how you get one: You leave your Alexa and your Roomba alone in a bedroom and let nature take its course. - James Corden

Monday, September 3, 2018

A Touch Of Humor

  • According to a new study, roughly 20 percent of millennial parents have changed or seriously considered changing their baby's name based on what internet domain names were available at the time. "Don't make the same mistake my parents made," said Pornhub Collins. - Seth Meyers