Friday, October 18, 2019

A Touch Of Humor

"McDonald’s has announced that for the next month in the United Kingdom, Happy Meals will come with a book instead of a toy. And they will be renamed ‘Disappointment Meals.'”

Jimmy Kimmel

Thursday, October 17, 2019

A Touch Of Humor

Pope Francis said that atheists are still eligible to go to heaven. To return the favor, atheists said Popes are still eligible to go into a void of nothingness.

Conan O'Brien

Wednesday, October 16, 2019

A Touch Of Humor

“Since the topic is science, the non scientists don't get a vote. We shouldn't decide everything by polling the masses. This is the fallacy called Argumentum Ad Numerum, the idea that something is true because great number believe it, as in EAT SHIT, twenty trillions flies can't be wrong!” 
― Bill Maher

Friday, October 11, 2019

A Touch Of Humor

"Folks, I can tell you I've known eight presidents, three of them intimately."
—Joe Biden, Aug. 22, 2012

Thursday, October 10, 2019

A Touch Of Humor

One word sums up probably the responsibility of any vice president, and that one word is ‘to be prepared.’ 
—Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice President

Wednesday, October 9, 2019

A Touch Of Humor

I'm a black, gay woman. I think the only way to make the GOP hate me more is if I sent them a video of me rolling around on a pile of welfare checks.

Wanda Sykes

Tuesday, October 8, 2019

A Touch Of Humor

"Donald Trump is polling so badly with women that at a rally last night, he had his wife, Melania, introduce him. Because if there's one thing that's guaranteed to get American women on your side, it's a foreign model who's married to a billionaire and never has to work." – Conan O'Brien

Monday, October 7, 2019

A Touch Of Humor

"The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post ‘Thou shalt not steal,’ ‘Thou shalt not commit adultery,' and ‘Thou shalt not lie' in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. It creates a hostile work environment." -- George Carlin 

Friday, October 4, 2019

A Touch Of Humor

"It's not that the Democrats are playing checkers and the Republicans are playing chess. It's that the Republicans are playing chess and the Democrats are in the nurse's office because once again they glued their balls to their thighs." – Jon Stewart

Thursday, October 3, 2019

A Touch Of Humor

I'm at an age when my back goes out more than I do.

Phyllis Diller

Wednesday, October 2, 2019

A Touch Of Humor

"This doesn't happen in America. Maybe Ohio, but not America," –Homer Simpson, after being thwarted by an electronic voting machine in his attempt to vote for Barack Obama

Tuesday, October 1, 2019

A Touch Of Humor

And I haven't even brought up religion. But here's one fun fact I'll leave you with: Did you know only about half of Americans are aware that Judaism is an older religion than Christianity? That's right, half of America looks at books called the Old Testament and the New Testament and cannot figure out which came first. 

Bill Maher