Friday, February 23, 2018

A Touch Of Humor

  • I read about a company that's working on technology that would let your pet video chat with you. It's fun to get a video chat from your dog, but depressing to watch your cat decline your call. - Jimmy Fallon

Thursday, February 22, 2018

A Touch Of Humor

My neighbor has two dogs. One of them says to the other, "Woof!" The other replies, "Moo!" The dog is perplexed. "Moo? why do you say 'Moo'?" The other dog says, "I'm trying to learn a foreign language."

Morey Amsterdam

Wednesday, February 21, 2018

A Touch Of Humor

  • The Pentagon is reportedly considering nuclear retaliation as a response to cyber-attacks by hackers. The biggest challenge is building missiles that can penetrate a mother’s basement. 
  • - Conan O'Brien

Tuesday, February 20, 2018

A Touch Of Wisdom

“Confidence is what you have before you understand the problem.” 
― Woody Allen

Monday, February 19, 2018

A Touch Of Humor

“I love the Olympics, because they enable people from all over the world to come together and--regardless of their political or cultural differences--accuse each other of cheating.” 
― Dave Barry

Friday, February 16, 2018

Thursday, February 15, 2018

A Touch Of Humor

Do you think God gets stoned? I think so . . . look at the platypus.

Robin Williams

Wednesday, February 14, 2018

A Touch Of Humor

“I want to tell you a terrific story about oral contraception. I asked this girl to sleep with me and she said 'No.” 

Woody Allen

Tuesday, February 13, 2018

A Touch Of Humor

“If you want to kill an idea without being identified as the assassin, suggest that the legal department take a look at it.” 
― Scott AdamsDilbert Gives You the Business

Monday, February 12, 2018

A Touch Of Humor

If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of that stuff?

George Carlin

Friday, February 9, 2018

A Touch Of Humor

A bank is a place that will loan you money if you can prove that you don't need it.

Bob Hope

Thursday, February 8, 2018

A Touch Of Humor

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

Steven Wright

Wednesday, February 7, 2018

A Touch Of Humor

Always remember the last words of my grandfather, who said: 'A truck.'

Emo Philips

Tuesday, February 6, 2018

A Touch Of Humor

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.

Oscar Wilde

Monday, February 5, 2018

A Touch Of Humor

The Second Amendment! It says you have the right to bear arms, or the right to arm bears, whatever the hell you want to do!

Robin Williams

Friday, February 2, 2018

A Touch Of Humor

“Be careful that what you write does not offend anybody or cause problems within the company. The safest approach is to remove all useful information” 
― Scott AdamsThe Joy of Work: Dilbert's Guide to Finding Happiness at the Expense of Your Co-Workers

Thursday, February 1, 2018

A Touch Of Humor

The biggest seller is cookbooks and the second is diet books; how not to eat what you've just learned how to cook.

Andy Rooney