Wednesday, January 31, 2018

A Touch Of Humor

Patriotism is your conviction that this country is superior to all others because you were born in it.

George Bernard Shaw

Tuesday, January 30, 2018

A Touch Of Humor

  • A man broke a Guinness world record by walking barefoot on a 120-foot path of loose Legos. This beats the old record set by every dad getting up to use the bathroom at night. - Jimmy Fallon

Monday, January 29, 2018

A Touch Of Humor

If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask?

Scott Adams (“Dilbert” Creator)

Friday, January 26, 2018

A Touch Of Humor

Why is there always so much month left at the end of the money?

John Barrymore

Thursday, January 25, 2018

A Touch Of Humor

Starbucks says they are going to start putting religious quotes on cups. The very first one will say, 'Jesus! This cup is expensive!'

Conan O'Brien

Wednesday, January 24, 2018

A Touch Of Humor

In England, if you commit a crime, the police don't have a gun and you don't have a gun. If you commit a crime, the police will say "Stop, or I'll say stop again."

Robin Williams

Tuesday, January 23, 2018

A Touch Of Humor

When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.

Mark Twain

Monday, January 22, 2018

A Touch Of Humor

Strange medical news from Pakistan. A man had a successful organ transplant with a dog. ... In a related story today, Keith Richards was seen chasing a mailman.

Craig Kilborn

Friday, January 19, 2018

A Touch Of Humor

  • During a political protest on Capitol Hill today, 82 rabbis were arrested. It’s the first time D.C. police have dispersed a crowd by spraying them with bacon bits. - Conan O’Brien

Thursday, January 18, 2018

A Touch Of Humor

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

George Carlin

Wednesday, January 17, 2018

A Touch Of Humor

  • On Saturday the word s***hole was projected on to Trump’s D.C. hotel. It got even worse when Motel 6 sued them for copyright infringement. - Jimmy Fallon

Tuesday, January 16, 2018

A Touch Of Humor

All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt.

Charles M. Schulz ("Peanuts" creator)

Monday, January 15, 2018

A Touch Of Humor

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

Oscar Wilde

Friday, January 12, 2018

A Touch Of Humor

  • I saw that Princess Charlotte went to her first day of nursery school yesterday. It was a little intimidating for the other kids – like for "Show and Tell," she brought Scotland. - Jimmy Fallon

Thursday, January 11, 2018

A Touch Of Humor

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

Emo Philips

Wednesday, January 10, 2018

A Touch Of Humor

  • This is our first show of the New Year after the holidays. We’re very happy to be back. We actually would have come back last week but marijuana was just legalized here in California so … you know.       James Corden

Tuesday, January 9, 2018

A Touch Of Humor

I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock.

Henny Youngman

Monday, January 8, 2018

A Touch Of Humor

When I hear somebody sigh, 'Life is hard,' I'm always tempted to ask, 'Compared to what?'

Sydney J. Harris

Friday, January 5, 2018

A Touch Of Humor

It's always darkest before the dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

Navjot Singh Sidhu

Thursday, January 4, 2018

A Touch Of Humor

Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers.

Homer Simpson

Wednesday, January 3, 2018

Tuesday, January 2, 2018

A Touch Of Humor

If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.

Groucho Marx

Monday, January 1, 2018

A Touch Of Humor

Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.

Abraham Lincoln