Friday, July 29, 2022

A Touch of Humor

 Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic, and so am I. 

Oscar Levant

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Thursday, July 28, 2022

A Touch of Humor

 If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners.

 Johnny Carson

Read more at https://www.brainyquote.com/topics/funny-quotes

Wednesday, July 27, 2022

A Touch of Humor

 Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.

 Mark Twain

Read more at https://www.brainyquote.com/topics/funny-quotes

Tuesday, July 26, 2022

A Touch of Humor

 One time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign. He said, “Didn’t you see the stop sign?” I said, “Yeah, but I don’t believe everything I read.”

Steven Wright

Monday, July 25, 2022

A Touch of Humor

 Hear about the new restaurant called Karma?

There’s no menu: You get what you deserve.

Friday, July 22, 2022

A Touch of Humor

 “You know, sometimes kids get bad grades in school because the class moves too slow for them. Einstein got D's in school. Well guess what, I get F's!!!”

― Bill Watterson

Thursday, July 21, 2022

A Touch of Humor

 “Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings.”

― Robert Benchley

Wednesday, July 20, 2022

A Touch of Humor

 “If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?”

― Jerry Seinfeld

Tuesday, July 19, 2022

A Touch of Humor

 “Everyone should be able to do one card trick, tell two jokes, and recite three poems, in case they are ever trapped in an elevator.”

― Lemony Snicket, Horseradish

Monday, July 18, 2022

Friday, July 15, 2022

A Touch of Humor

 “I think I've discovered the secret of life -- you just hang around until you get used to it.”

― Charles Schultz

Thursday, July 14, 2022

A Touch of Humor

 “Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.”

― Steven Wright

Wednesday, July 13, 2022

A Touch of Humor

 “Think left and think right and think low and think high. Oh, the thinks you can think up if only you try!”

― Dr. Seuss

Tuesday, July 12, 2022

A Touch of Humor

 “There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.”

― Charles Dickens, A Christmas Carol

Monday, July 11, 2022

A Touch of Humor

 “You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.”

― Mae West

Friday, July 8, 2022

A Touch of Humor

It would be nice to spend billions on schools and roads, but right now that money is desperately needed for political ads.

Andy Borowitz

Thursday, July 7, 2022

A Touch of Humor

 It’s always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it’s just hilarious.

Bill Hicks

Wednesday, July 6, 2022

A Touch of Humor

I have learned from my mistakes, and I am sure I can repeat them exactly.

Peter Cook

Tuesday, July 5, 2022

A Touch of Humor

 If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the up button.

Sam Levenson

Monday, July 4, 2022

A Touch of Humor

 If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.

Groucho Marx

Friday, July 1, 2022

A Touch of Humor

 You have to remember one thing about the will of the people: it wasn;t that long ago we were swept away by the Macarena.

Jon Stewart