A Touch Of Humor

Friday, May 15, 2026

I was born by Cesarean section, but you can't really tell. Except when I leave the house I go out through the window.

— Steven Wright

“I hate when people say, ‘Age is only a number.’ Age is clearly a word.”

— Brian Kiley

“My neighbor knocked on my door at 2:30 a.m. Luckily for him, I was still up playing my bagpipes.”

— Eric Idle

“I once got fired from a canned juice company. Apparently I couldn’t concentrate.”

— Tim Vine

“My friend told me he didn’t understand cloning. I said, ‘That makes two of us.’”

— Rodney Dangerfield

“I named my dog ‘Stay.’ Now I yell ‘Come here, Stay!’—he just ignores me.”

— Steven Wright

“I don’t want to belong to any club that would accept me as a member.”

— Groucho Marx