A Touch Of Humor

Friday, September 11, 2026

"Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair."

George Burns (1896 - 1996) (Beloved Comedian, Actor, and Master of the One-Liner)

"I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy."

Tom Waits (1949 - ) (Singer, Songwriter, Actor, and Celebrated Raconteur)

"I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample, it had an olive in it."

Rodney Dangerfield (1921 - 2004) (Stand-Up Legend and Master of Self-Deprecating Humor)

"I went window shopping today! I bought four windows."

Tommy Cooper (1921 - 1984) (British Comedian, Magician, and Master of Absurd Humor)

"I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised."

Tim Vine (1967 - ) (British Comedian, Actor, and Master of the One-Liner)

"My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met."

Rodney Dangerfield (1921 - 2004) (Stand-Up Legend and Master of Self-Deprecating Humor)

"The trouble with retirement is that you never get a day off."

Abe Lemons (1922 - 2002) (Basketball Coach and Celebrated Sports Wit)