A Touch of Humor

 

Know yourself. Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.

Ann Landers

A Touch of Humor

 

Authorities in Michigan are looking for a group of thieves that recently stole 22,000 apples from an orchard. If convicted they could be sentenced to up to three more weekends of apple picking.

Seth Meyers

A Touch of Humor

 

You know what I love about baseball? The pine tar, the resin, the grass, the dirt. And that's just in the hot dogs.

David Letterman

A Touch of Humor

 

Yeah, I know I'm ugly ... I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said, 'God beat me to it.'

Rodney Dangerfield

A Touch of Humor

 

“Doing nothing is hard—you never know when you’re done.”

— Leslie Nielsen

A Touch of Humor

 

I was born by Cesarean section, but you can't really tell. Except when I leave the house I go out through the window.

— Steven Wright

A Touch of Humor

 

“I hate when people say, ‘Age is only a number.’ Age is clearly a word.”

— Brian Kiley