A Touch Of Humor

After hearing that he has been nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize, Putin said, 'Tell me who the other nominees are - and I will eliminate them.'

Conan O'Brien

A Touch Of Humor

We operate under a jury system in this country, and as much as we complain about it, we have to admit that we know of no better system, except possible flipping a coin.

Dave Barry

A Touch Of Humor

When I was a kid, I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Than I realized that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

Emo Philips.

A Touch Of Humor

Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time ... I think I've forgotten this before.

Steven Wright

A Touch Of Humor

I went out with a guy who once told me I didn't need to drink to make myself more fun to be around. I told him, I'm drinking so that you're more fun to be around.

Chelsea Handler

A Touch Of Humor

Just taught my kids about taxes by eating 38% of their ice cream.

Conan O'Brien

A Touch Of Humor

My ancestors wandered lost in the wilderness for forty years because even in biblical times, men would not stop to ask for directions.

Elayne Boosler