A Touch Of Humor

Friday, October 2, 2026

"I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals. I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants."

- Rita Rudner

"I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog."

Wendy Liebman (1961 - ) (Stand-Up Comedian and Master of the One-Liner)

"I have everything I had twenty years ago, only it's all a little bit lower."

Gypsy Rose Lee (1911 - 1970) (Entertainer, Actress, Author, and Celebrated Wit)

"My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn't pay the bill he gave me six months more."

Walter Matthau (1920 - 2000) (Actor, Comedian, and Academy Award Winner)

"Why is there so much month left at the end of the money?"

John Barrymore (1882 - 1942) (Actor, Stage Legend, and Celebrated Wit)

"People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do."

Isaac Asimov (1920 - 1992) (Author, Scientist, Professor, and Celebrated Wit)

"I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap."

Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) (Legendary Comedian, Actor, and Entertainer)