A Touch Of Humor

Friday, June 12, 2026

"I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult."

Rita Rudner (1953 - ) (Comedian, Actress, and Best-Selling Author)

"I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either."

Jack Benny (1894 - 1974) (Radio, Television, and Vaudeville Legend)

"I was born by Caesarean section. You can't really tell, although whenever I leave a house, I go out through the window."

Steven Wright (1955 - ) (Comedian and Master of Deadpan Humor)

"I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her."

Rodney Dangerfield (1921 - 2004) (Comedian Famous for Self-Deprecating Humor)

"Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow."

Mark Twain (1835 - 1910) (Author, Humorist, and Social Commentator)

“I look like the result of a science experiment where they tried to cross an Irishman with a string bean.”

—Conan O'Brien

“I think the worst thing about being lazy is how much work it takes to avoid work.”

—Jim Gaffigan