A Touch Of Humor

Friday, June 26, 2026

"Oh, I have three kids and no money. Why can't I have no kids and three money?"

Homer Simpson

"Never miss a good chance to shut up."

Will Rogers (1879 - 1935) (Humorist, Actor, and America's Favorite Cowboy Philosopher)

"I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult."

Rita Rudner (1953 - ) (Comedian, Actress, and Best-Selling Author)

"Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that."

George Carlin (1937 - 2008) (Iconic Stand-Up Comedian, Social Critic, and Author)

"My psychiatrist told me I was crazy. I said I wanted a second opinion. He said, 'Okay, you're ugly too.'"

Rodney Dangerfield (1921 - 2004) (Stand-Up Legend and Master of Self-Deprecating Humor)

"I feel bad for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day."

Frank Sinatra (1915 - 1998) (Singer, Actor, and Legendary Entertainer)

"I intend to live forever. So far, so good."

Steven Wright (1955 - ) (Comedian Known for Deadpan One-Liners)