I'm from Indiana. I know what you're thinking, Indiana... Mafia. But in Indiana it's not like New York where everyone's like, 'We're from New York and we're the best' or 'We're from Texas and we like things big' it's more like 'We're from Indiana and we're gonna move.'
Jim Gaffigan
"I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it scattered on beaches all over the world.... perhaps you've seen it."
— Steven Wright (1955 - ) (Stand-Up Comedian and Master of Deadpan One-Liners)
"Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it."
George Carlin (1937 - 2008) (Stand-Up Comedian, Author, and Social Satirist)
"An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen today."
Laurence J. Peter (1919 - 1990) (Canadian Educator, Author, and Creator of the Peter Principle)
"An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex."
Aldous Huxley (1894 - 1963) (English Novelist, Philosopher, and Social Critic)
"I am not young enough to know everything."
Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900) (Irish Playwright, Poet, and Master of the Epigram)
"I don't mind going back to daylight saving time. With inflation, the hour will be the only thing I've saved all year."
Victor Borge (1909 - 2000) (Danish-American Comedian, Pianist, and Musical Humorist)
