A Touch Of Humor

Friday, August 7, 2026

"Opportunity may knock only once, but temptation leans on the doorbell."

Opie Read (1852 - 1939) (Journalist, Novelist, and Humorist)

"If you can't laugh at yourself, I'd be happy to do it for you."

Groucho Marx (1890 - 1977) (Legendary Comedian, Actor, and Master of the Quick Wit)

"You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred."

Woody Allen (1935 - ) (Comedian, Writer, Actor, and Filmmaker)

"I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous—everyone hasn't met me yet."

Rodney Dangerfield (1921 - 2004) (Stand-Up Legend and Master of Self-Deprecating Humor)

"My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way."

Henny Youngman (1906 - 1998) (Legendary One-Liner Comic and the "King of the One-Liners")

"Never have more children than you have car windows."

Erma Bombeck (1927 - 1996) (Humorist and Beloved Chronicler of Family Life)

"I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes—and six months later you have to start all over again."

Joan Rivers (1933 - 2014) (Comedian, Actress, and Television Host)