A Touch Of Humor

Thursday, September 3, 2026

"My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met."

Rodney Dangerfield (1921 - 2004) (Stand-Up Legend and Master of Self-Deprecating Humor)

"The trouble with retirement is that you never get a day off."

Abe Lemons (1922 - 2002) (Basketball Coach and Celebrated Sports Wit)

"Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint."

Mark Twain (1835 - 1910) (Author, Humorist, and Celebrated American Wit)

"Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples."

George Burns (1896 - 1996) (Beloved Comedian, Actor, and Master of Aging Humor)

"Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery."

Erma Bombeck (1927 - 1996) (Humorist and Beloved Chronicler of Family Life)

"Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers."

George Carlin (1937 - 2008) (Stand-Up Legend, Author, and Social Satirist)

"Eventually you reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it."

Will Rogers (1879 - 1935) (Humorist, Actor, and America's Cowboy Philosopher)