A Touch Of Humor

Friday, April 24, 2026

“If hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.”

— Steven Wright

“Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.”

— Thomas Edison

“My girlfriend told me to stop acting like a flamingo… so I had to put my foot down.”

— Mitch Hedberg

“I wonder what chairs think about all day… ‘Oh no, here comes another asshole.’

— Bill Burr

“I used to play piano by ear, now I use my hands.”

— Steven Wright

“You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.”

— Bob Hope

“My ability to turn good news into anxiety is rivaled only by my ability to turn anxiety into chin acne.”

— Tina Fey