A Touch Of Humor

Friday, June 5, 2026

“I look like the result of a science experiment where they tried to cross an Irishman with a string bean.”

—Conan O'Brien

“I think the worst thing about being lazy is how much work it takes to avoid work.”

—Jim Gaffigan

“If a man smiles all the time, he's probably selling something that doesn't work.”

—George Carlin

“I’m at the age where happy hour is a nap.”

—Unknown

“I bought wrinkle cream. The instructions said, ‘For best results, start 20 years ago.’”

—Unknown

What a doctor. Oh, one time I saw him. He gave me sleeping pills. He told me to take them whenever I wake up.

And I saw my dentist, too. Another beauty. I said to him, "Doc, look at my teeth. They're all getting yellow." He told me to wear a brown neck tie.

Rodney Dangerfield

I believe in equality. Equality for everybody. No matter how stupid they are or how superior I am to them.

Steve Martin