A Touch of Humor

 Before you marry a person, you should at least make them use a computer with a slow internet connection to find out who they really are.

Will Ferrell

A Touch of Humor

 The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30 percent of their ice cream.

Bill Murray

A Touch of Humor

 If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?

Milton Berle

A Touch of Humor

 When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.

Will Rogers

A Touch of Humor

 If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it.

W.C. Fields

A Touch of Humor

 A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.

Winston Chruchill

A Touch Of Humor

I was walking down Fifth Avenue today and I found a wallet, and I was gonna keep it, rather than return it, but I thought: well, if l lost a hundred and fifty dollars, how would I feel? And I realized I would want ot be taught a lesson.

Emo Philips