A Touch Of Humor

Friday, April 17, 2026

“You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.”

— Bob Hope

“My ability to turn good news into anxiety is rivaled only by my ability to turn anxiety into chin acne.”

— Tina Fey

“I don’t have a bank account because I don’t know my mother’s maiden name.”

— Paula Poundstone

“I was going to buy a book on phobias, but I was afraid it wouldn’t help me.”

— Jerry Seinfeld

“You can’t have everything… where would you put it?”

— Steven Wright

“I don’t deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don’t deserve that either.

— Jack Benny

“I choose a lazy person to do a hard job, because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it.”

— Bill Gates