A Touch Of Humor

Friday, August 21, 2026

"My wife is on a new diet. Coconuts and bananas. She hasn't lost weight, but can she climb a tree!"

Henny Youngman (1906 - 1998) (Legendary Comedian and King of the One-Liners)

"Never put off till tomorrow what may be done day after tomorrow just as well."

Mark Twain (1835 - 1910) (Author, Humorist, and Celebrated American Writer)

"I bought some batteries, but they weren't included."

Steven Wright (1955 - ) (Stand-Up Comedian and Master of Deadpan One-Liners)

"I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap."

Rodney Dangerfield (1921 - 2004) (Stand-Up Legend and Master of Self-Deprecating Humor)

"I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio."

Joan Rivers (1933 - 2014) (Groundbreaking Comedian, Actress, and Television Host)

"A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on."

Samuel Goldwyn (1879 - 1974) (Film Producer Famous for His Unintentional One-Liners)

"There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot."

Steven Wright (1955 - ) (Stand-Up Comedian and Master of Deadpan One-Liners)