A Touch of Humor

 

"Never have more children than you have car windows."

Erma Bombeck (1927 - 1996) (Humorist and Beloved Chronicler of Family Life)

A Touch of Humor

 

"I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes—and six months later you have to start all over again."

Joan Rivers (1933 - 2014) (Comedian, Actress, and Television Host)

A Touch of Humor

 

"Some people see things that are and ask, 'Why?' Some people dream of things that never were and ask, 'Why not?' Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that."

George Carlin (1937 - 2008) (Stand-Up Legend, Author, and Social Satirist)

A Touch of Humor

 

"Before I got married I had six theories about raising children; now, I have six children and no theories."

John Wilmot (1647 - 1680) (English Poet, Courtier, and Celebrated Wit)

A Touch of Humor

 

"If you think dogs can't count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then give him only two of them."

Phil Pastoret (1933 - 2015) (Humorist, Author, and Newspaper Columnist)

A Touch of Humor

 

"Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died."

Erma Bombeck (1927 - 1996) (Humorist and Beloved Chronicler of Family Life)

A Touch of Humor

 

"I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time.' So I ordered French toast during the Renaissance."

Steven Wright (1955 - ) (Master of Deadpan One-Liners)