A Touch Of Humor

• Negotiations to buy the company that makes Adderall ended today without a deal. Meanwhile, talks to buy the maker of Cialis lasted over four hours so they had to call a doctor. - Conan O'Brien

A Touch Of Humor

• A former Playboy bunny just became the oldest lingerie model at 83 years old. When asked why she went back to work, she said, “My Trump hush money ran out.” - Jimmy Fallon

A Touch Of Humor

• Scientists have just added a new animal to the endangered species list. It’s a green-haired Australian turtle that breathes through its genitals. The reason it’s endangered is because in an emergency, nobody wants to give it CPR. - James Corden

A Touch Of Humor

• A new report did not name New York City as one of the 25 best places to live in the country. “I’m shocked!” said an adult New Yorker with six roommates. - Seth Meyers

A Touch Of Humor

• One of the world’s top Donkey Kong players has been stripped of his records for cheating. He was going to be sentenced to life, but it turns out he doesn’t have one. - Conan O'Brien

A Touch Of Humor

If a woman over forty doesn’t want to watch the game, she doesn’t sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do. And, it’s usually something more interesting. - Andy Rooney

A Touch Of Humor

My next door neighbor just had a pacemaker installed. They're still working the bugs out, though. Every time he makes love, my garage door opens..

Bob Hope