I was so self-conscious, every time football players went into a huddle, I thought they were talking about me.
Lucy: “In the Great Cruise Ship of Life, some people place their deck chairs to the fore and look at what’s coming, and others place there’s to the aft and look at what’s past. In the Great Cruise Ship of Life, which way is your deck chair facing?”
Charlie Brown: “In the Great Cruise Ship of Life, I’m one of those who can’t get my deck chair unfolded.”
Thank you to my friend Tom Brown for sharing this humor with us.
“To be honest . . . I think the only thing that really worked in my favor, is that right from the beginning I really didn’t [care] whether or not [Seinfeld] was a success. That’s not to say I didn’t want to do good work, but I wasn’t about to let myself be judged by network standards. When you’re not concerned with succeeding, you can work with complete freedom.”
Larry David (Curb Your Enthusiasm)
California is in the grip of a drought. And that’s caused Sacramento’s drinking water to taste like dirt. But one city official assured residents: “It might not taste great ... but it is still safe to drink.” And [he] was immediately sued for copyright infringement by Michelob Ultra [Because this how Michelob describes Ultra]
Elaine Dickinson: When will you be back?
Ted Striker: I can’t tell you that. It’s classified.
Airplane (The Movie)
The world’s first wooden satellite will launch this year. It will be the first satellite to burn up on exit. They’re launching it in order to test the durability of plywood panels in the extreme conditions of space ... As a one time owner of several IKEA items, I can tell you that plywood panels can’t even handle the extreme conditions of [an] apartment.
The National Weather Service [said today] “No easy way to say this, so we’ll just cut straight to the chase: “It’s going to be very hot for a long time.”
Trevor Noah: That’s right, very hot for a long time. Also known in meteorology circles as the Halle Berry phenomena.