A Touch of Humor

Everything is funny, as long as it’s happening to somebody else.

Will Rogers

A Touch of Humor

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

Erma Bombeck

A Touch of Humor

If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.

Dalai Lama

A Touch of Humor

 A day without laughter is a day wasted.

Charlie Chaplin

A Touch of Humor

 The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. The guy who invented the other three, he was a genius.

Sid Caesar

A Touch of Humor

If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?

Milton Berle

A Touch of Humor

 The Internet is just a world passing around notes in a classroom.

Jon Stewart

A Touch of Humor

 Cleaning up with children around is like shoveling during a blizzard.

Margaret Culkin Banning

A Touch of Humor

 My wife was afraid of the dark... then she saw me naked and now she's afraid of the light. 

Rodney Dangerfield

Read more at https://www.brainyquote.com/authors/rodney-dangerfield-quotes

A Touch of Humor

The first human who hurled an insult instead of a stone was the founder of civilization. 

Sigmund Freud

Read more at https://www.brainyquote.com/authors/sigmund-freud-quotes

A Touch of Humor

 My wife can't cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. An antler got stuck in my throat. 

Rodney Dangerfield

Read more at https://www.brainyquote.com/authors/rodney-dangerfield-quotes

A Touch of Humor

 I think everybody's nuts.

 Johnny Depp

Read more at https://www.brainyquote.com/authors/johnny-depp-quotes

A Touch of Humor

 I am so busy doing nothing... that the idea of doing anything - which as you know, always leads to something - cuts into the nothing and then forces me to have to drop everything. 

Jerry Seinfeld

Read more at https://www.brainyquote.com/authors/jerry-seinfeld-quotes

A Touch of Humor

 Don't ever forget two things I'm going to tell you. One, don't believe everything that's written about you. Two, don't pick up too many checks.

 Babe Ruth

Read more at https://www.brainyquote.com/authors/babe-ruth-quotes

A Touch of Humor

  “Instead of the mahi mahi, may I just get the one mahi because I’m not that hungry?”

—Shelley Darlingson (Anna Faris), The House Bunny

A Touch of Humor

 “I grew up with six brothers. That’s how I learned to dance: waiting for the bathroom.”

—Bob Hope

A Touch of Humor

 “I prefer not to think before speaking. I like being as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth.”

—Anonymous

A Touch of Humor

  “People say, ‘But Betty, Facebook is a great way to connect with old friends.’ Well, at my age, if I want to connect with old friends I need a Ouija board.”

—Betty White

A Touch of Humor

 “Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops.”

—Mortimer Brewster (Cary Grant), Arsenic and Old Lace

A Touch of Humor

  Lucy: “There’s just two things keeping me from dancing in that show.”

Fred: “Your feet?”

—Lucy (Lucille Ball) and Fred Mertz (William Frawley), I Love Lucy

A Touch of Humor

  “Truth hurts. Maybe not as much as jumping on a bicycle with a seat missing, but it hurts.”

—Lt. Frank Drebin (Leslie Nielsen), Naked Gun 2½: The Smell of Fear

A Touch of Humor

  “There’s nothing wrong with you that an expensive operation can’t prolong.”

—Surgeon (Graham Chapman), Monty Python’s Flying Circus