Tuesday, January 31, 2023

A Touch of Humor

 “A literary academic can no more pass a bookstore than an alcoholic can pass a bar.”

― Amanda Cross

Monday, January 30, 2023

A Touch of Humor

 “The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.”

― Groucho Marx

Friday, January 27, 2023

A Touch of Humor

 “I don't want tea," said Clary, with muffled force. "I want to find my mother. And then I want to find out who took her in the first place, and I want to kill them."

"Unfortunately," said Hodge, "we're all out of bitter revenge at the moment, so it's either tea or nothing.”

― Cassandra Clare, City of Bones

Thursday, January 26, 2023

A Touch of Humor

 “I'm sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It's just been too intelligent to come here.”

― Arthur C. Clarke

Wednesday, January 25, 2023

A Touch of Humor

 “When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.”

― Mark Twain

Tuesday, January 24, 2023

A Touch of Humor

 “Do you wish me a good morning, or mean that it is a good morning whether I want it or not; or that you feel good this morning; or that it is a morning to be good on?”

― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Hobbit

Monday, January 23, 2023

A Touch of Humor

 “History will be kind to me for I intend to write it.”

― Winston S. Churchill

Friday, January 20, 2023

A Touch of Humor

 “Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.”

― Steven Wright

Thursday, January 19, 2023

A Touch of Humor

 “Think left and think right and think low and think high. Oh, the thinks you can think up if only you try!”

― Dr. Seuss

Wednesday, January 18, 2023

A Touch of Humor

 “Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do, every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a special list of ten things he does not want you to do. And if you do any of these ten things, he has a special place, full of fire and smoke and burning and torture and anguish, where he will send you to live and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry forever and ever 'til the end of time!

But He loves you. He loves you, and He needs money! He always needs money! He's all-powerful, all-perfect, all-knowing, and all-wise, somehow just can't handle money!”

― George Carlin

Tuesday, January 17, 2023

A Touch of Humor

“Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.”

― Mark Twain

Monday, January 16, 2023

A Touch of Humor

 “If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.”

― W.C. Fields

Friday, January 13, 2023

A Touch of Humor


1. We are here to help you.

2. You will have time to get to your class before the bell rings.

3. The dress code will be enforced.

4. No smoking is allowed on school grounds.

5. Our football team will win the championship this year.

6. We expect more of you here.

7. Guidance counselors are always available to listen.

8. Your schedule was created with you in mind.

9. Your locker combination is private.

10. These will be the years you look back on fondly.


1. You will use algebra in your adult lives.

2. Driving to school is a privilege that can be taken away.

3. Students must stay on campus during lunch.

4. The new text books will arrive any day now.

5. Colleges care more about you than your SAT scores.

6. We are enforcing the dress code.

7. We will figure out how to turn off the heat soon.

8. Our bus drivers are highly trained professionals.

9. There is nothing wrong with summer school.

10. We want to hear what you have to say.”

Thursday, January 12, 2023

A Touch of Humor

 “I like work: it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.”

― Jerome K. Jerome

Wednesday, January 11, 2023

A Touch of Humor

 “If the world were merely seductive, that would be easy. If it were merely challenging, that would be no problem. But I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve the world and a desire to enjoy the world. This makes it hard to plan the day.”

― E.B. White

Tuesday, January 10, 2023

A Touch of Humor

 “Some humans would do anything to see if it was possible to do it. If you put a large switch in some cave somewhere, with a sign on it saying 'End-of-the-World Switch. PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH', the paint wouldn't even have time to dry.”

― Terry Pratchett, Thief of Time

Monday, January 9, 2023

A Touch of Humor

 “Fate is like a strange, unpopular restaurant filled with odd little waiters who bring you things you never asked for and don't always like.”

― Lemony Snicket

Friday, January 6, 2023

A Touch of Humor

 “Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.”

― Albert Einstein

Thursday, January 5, 2023

A Touch of Humor

 “You love flowers, but you cut them. You love animals, but you eat them. Now you tell me you love me, that’s why I’m scared!”

 ~ Anonymous

Wednesday, January 4, 2023

A Touch of Humor

 I have an idea for a movie called 'The Walken Dead' which is about a town where, instead of zombies, everyone becomes Chris Walken. 

Robin Williams

Read more at https://www.brainyquote.com/authors/robin-williams-quotes

Tuesday, January 3, 2023

A Touch of Humor

"I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn't have one. So I got a cake."

-Mitch Hedberg.

Monday, January 2, 2023

A Touch of Humor

 "I'm getting so old my insurance company sends me 1/2 a calendar!"

-Rodney Dangerfield