A Touch Of Humor

• I heard there's a new Amazon Alexa coming out that's made just for kids. After an hour of answering your kids’ nonstop questions, it just puts on a movie to shut them up. - Jimmy Fallon

A Touch Of Humor

“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.”
― Albert Einstein

A Touch Of Humor

• Some Gmail users have been getting spam messages from themselves. Which got really confusing for the one guy who actually IS a Nigerian prince. He's like, "Wait, what?" - Jimmy Fallon

A Touch Of Humor

Do the right thing. It will gratify some people and astonish the rest.

Mark Twain

A Touch Of Humor

“Nothing defines humans better than their willingness to do irrational
things in the pursuit of phenomenally unlikely payoffs. This is the
principle behind lotteries, dating, and religion.” 
― Scott Adams ("Dilbert" Creator)

A Touch Of Humor

• Negotiations to buy the company that makes Adderall ended today without a deal. Meanwhile, talks to buy the maker of Cialis lasted over four hours so they had to call a doctor. - Conan O'Brien

A Touch Of Humor

• A former Playboy bunny just became the oldest lingerie model at 83 years old. When asked why she went back to work, she said, “My Trump hush money ran out.” - Jimmy Fallon

A Touch Of Humor

• Scientists have just added a new animal to the endangered species list. It’s a green-haired Australian turtle that breathes through its genitals. The reason it’s endangered is because in an emergency, nobody wants to give it CPR. - James Corden

A Touch Of Humor

• A new report did not name New York City as one of the 25 best places to live in the country. “I’m shocked!” said an adult New Yorker with six roommates. - Seth Meyers

A Touch Of Humor

• One of the world’s top Donkey Kong players has been stripped of his records for cheating. He was going to be sentenced to life, but it turns out he doesn’t have one. - Conan O'Brien

A Touch Of Humor

If a woman over forty doesn’t want to watch the game, she doesn’t sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do. And, it’s usually something more interesting. - Andy Rooney

A Touch Of Humor

My next door neighbor just had a pacemaker installed. They're still working the bugs out, though. Every time he makes love, my garage door opens..

Bob Hope

A Touch Of Humor

Thank you to my friend Ben Haney for sharing these cartoons with us:

A Touch Of Humor

“When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'.”
― Groucho Marx

A Touch Of Humor

“There is no idea so bad that it cannot be made to look brilliant with the proper application of fonts and color.” 
― Scott Adams, Dilbert's Guide to the Rest of Your Life: Dispatches from Cubicleland

A Touch Of Humor

• It's been reported that Britain's Queen Elizabeth has made over $9 million betting on horse racing. When asked to comment, Queen Elizabeth said, "That's nothing! I've won $20 million on dog fighting." - Conan O'Brien

A Touch Of Humor

• A Virginia set of identical twin sisters will marry a set of identical twin brothers in a joint wedding this summer. They’re registered at Kinko’s. - Seth Meyers

A Touch Of Humor

“Did you ever wonder if the person in the puddle is real, and you're just a reflection of him?”
― Bill Watterson ("Calvin and Hobbes" Creator)

A Touch Of Humor

• I read about an Australian couple that put a GoPro on their dog instead of hiring a wedding photographer. And in the end, he got great shots of everybody’s crotch. - Jimmy Fallon

A Touch Of Humor

• President Trump's approval rating has gone up to 45%. At this rate, he is two porn stars away from being re-elected. - Conan O'Brien

A Touch Of Humor

“I never made a mistake in my life. I thought I did once, but I was wrong.”
― Charles M. Schulz ("Peanuts" Creator)