Thursday, March 31, 2022

Wednesday, March 30, 2022

A Touch of Humor

 A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: ‘Duh.’

Conan O’Brien

Tuesday, March 29, 2022

Monday, March 28, 2022

A Touch of Humor

When you’re in love it’s the most glorious two and a half days of your life.

Richard Lewis

Friday, March 25, 2022

A Touch of Humor

 I think everything must go back to the fact that I had a very anxious childhood. You know, my mother never had time for me. You know, when you’re the middle child in a family of five million, you don’t get any attention. I mean, how is it possible? 


Wednesday, March 23, 2022

A Touch of Humor

 Green Eggs and Ham was the story of my life. I wouldn't eat a thing when I was a kid, but Dr. Seuss inspired me to try cauliflower!

 Jim Carrey


Tuesday, March 22, 2022

Monday, March 21, 2022

A Touch of Humor

 A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home. 

Rodney Dangerfield


Friday, March 18, 2022

A Touch of Humor

"There is no such thing as fun for the whole family." 

—Jerry Seinfeld

Thursday, March 17, 2022

A Touch of Humor

 ."The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they're too old to do it."

—Shirley MacLaine

Wednesday, March 16, 2022

A Touch of Humor

  "I'm not offended by blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb. And I also know that I'm not blonde."

—Dolly Parton

Tuesday, March 15, 2022

A Touch of Humor

I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.
Phyllis Diller

Monday, March 14, 2022

A Touch of Humor

 - "He did a great job on that suit. You don't realize how good you look. Do you like it?"

- "It's not K-Mart."

- "How could you not like that suit? You look fantastic, Ray? How can you not like that suit?"

- "It's not a K-Mart suit."

- "Let me let you in on a little secret, Ray. K-Mart sucks. OK?"

- "Yeah."

Rain Man (1988)

Friday, March 11, 2022

A Touch Of Humor

 “People say money is not the key to happiness, but I have always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.”

—Joan Rivers

Thursday, March 10, 2022

A Touch Of Humor

 “When the waitress asked if I wanted my pizza cut into four or eight slices, I said, ‘Four. I don’t think I can eat eight.'”

Yogi Berra

Wednesday, March 9, 2022

A Touch Of Humor

“The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they’re okay, then it’s you.” 

—Rita Mae Brown

Tuesday, March 8, 2022

A Touch Of Humor

. “If you want to be sure that you never forget your wife’s birthday, just try forgetting it once.” 

—Aldo Cammarota

Monday, March 7, 2022

A Touch Of Humor

“My advice to you is get married: If you find a good wife you’ll be happy; if not, you’ll become a philosopher.”


Friday, March 4, 2022

A Touch Of Humor

“There’s nothing simpler than avoiding people you don’t like. Avoiding one’s friends, that’s the real test.”

—Dowager Countess Violet Crawley (Maggie Smith), Downton Abbey

Thursday, March 3, 2022

A Touch Of Humor

 "So we finish 18 and he's gonna stiff me. And I say, 'Hey, Lama! Hey! How about a little somethin', you know, for the effort, you know.' And he says, 'Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness.' So I got that goin' for me, which is nice."

Caddyshack (1980)

Wednesday, March 2, 2022

A Touch of Humor

 "Yup. I said it before and I'll say it again. Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.

Ferris Bueller's Day Off (1986)

Tuesday, March 1, 2022

A Touch Of Humor

“Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.”

—Groucho Marx