Tuesday, December 31, 2019

A Touch Of Humor

[Looking back on 2019] There is one positive impeachment-related development, which occurs when Rep. Eric Swalwell, appearing on MSNBC, makes the following statement: “So far the evidence is uncontradicted that the president used taxpayer dollars to help him cheat [GIANT FART SOUND] an election.” This results in several days of spirited debate on Twitter concerning the issue of whether Swalwell cut the cheese (he denies it) with people of all political persuasions weighing in on #fartgate in the closest thing we have had to a genuinely open-minded national conversation in years.

Dave Barry (Pulitzer Prize winning humor columnist and author)

Monday, December 30, 2019

A Touch Of Humor

[Looking back on 2019] At issue is the situation at the Mexican border, which either is or is not a Crisis depending on which cable news network you prefer. President Trump wants a high concrete wall, but at the moment there is only enough money for a sternly worded south-facing billboard. 

Dave Barry (Pulitzer Prize winning humor columnist and author)

Friday, December 27, 2019

A Touch Of Humor

"Thankfully, dreams can change. If we had all stuck with our first dream, the world would be overrun with cowboys and princesses." —Stephen Colbert

Thursday, December 26, 2019

A Touch Of Humor

Yeah, I know I'm ugly ... I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said, 'God beat me to it.'

Rodney Dangerfield

Wednesday, December 25, 2019

A Touch Of Humor


The English language is made to order for typographical errors ...  because the vast number of words whose meanings can be radically altered by the addition, omission, or transposition of a single letter. here are some actual examples from newspapers ...

1) “Tomorrow we may expect strong northwest winds reaching a gal in exposed places.”

2) “They were married and lived happily even after.”

3) In a personal column: “Josephine, please take me back. It was just a passing fanny. Your George.”

Thank you to my friend Tom Brown who published this humor on his Facebook Page.

Tuesday, December 24, 2019

A Touch Of Humor

You know what I love about baseball? The pine tar, the resin, the grass, the dirt. And that's just in the hot dogs.

David Letterman

Monday, December 23, 2019

A Touch Of Humor

"Peanuts" humor from my friend Tom Brown's Facebook Page.

Lucy: "In the Cruise Ship of Life, some people place their deck chairs to the fore and look at what's coming, and others place theirs to the aft and look at what's past. In the Great Cruise Ship of Life, which way is your deck chair facing?"

Charlie Brown: "In the Great Cruise Ship of Life, I'm one of those who can't get my deck chair unfolded."

Friday, December 20, 2019

Thursday, December 19, 2019

A Touch Of Humor

Now there's a seven-day waiting period to buy a gun. Who can stay mad that long?

Emo Philips

Wednesday, December 18, 2019

A Touch Of Humor

"Conservatives say if you don't give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. As for the poor, [conservatives] tell us [the poor]'ve lost all incentive because we've given them too much money." -- George Carlin

Tuesday, December 17, 2019

A Touch Of Humor

"Oh ... and how is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home wine-making course and I forgot how to drive?

Homer Simpson

Monday, December 16, 2019

A Touch Of Humor

"I love blackjack. But I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi circle."

Mitch Hedberg 

Friday, December 13, 2019

A Touch Of Humor

“When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.”– Mark Twain

Thursday, December 12, 2019

A Touch Of Humor

“I don’t believe in astrology; I’m a Sagittarius and we’re skeptical.” – Arthur C. Clarke

Wednesday, December 11, 2019

A Touch Of Humor

I was watching the Indy 500, and I was thinking if they left earlier they wouldn't have to go so fast.

Steven Wright

Tuesday, December 10, 2019

A Touch Of Humor

If it wasn't for pickpockets I'd have no sex life at all.

Rodney Dangerfield

Monday, December 9, 2019

A Touch Of Humor

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it, and then misapplying the wrong remedies.

Author Unknown

Quote from my friend Tom Brown’s Facebook Page

Friday, December 6, 2019

A Touch Of Humor

“NEW RULE: 'Kidiots' Leave the children behind. At least until they learn something. A new study has shown that half of American high schools agree that newspapers should only be able to publish government-approved material. Almost one out of five said people should not be allowed to voice unpopular opinions..This is the first generation after September 11th, who discovered news during a 'watch what you say' administration...George W. Bush once asked, 'is our children learning.' No, they isn't. A better question would be, 'is our teacher's teaching?” 
― Bill Maher

Thursday, December 5, 2019

A Touch Of Humor

“If there is anything the nonconformist hates worse than a conformist, it’s another nonconformist who doesn’t conform to the prevailing standard of nonconformity.” – Bill Vaughan

Wednesday, December 4, 2019

A Touch Of Humor

Authorities in Michigan are looking for a group of thieves that recently stole 22,000 apples from an orchard. If convicted they could be sentenced to up to three more weekends of apple picking.

Seth Meyers

Tuesday, December 3, 2019

A Touch Of Humor

“Inside me there’s a thin person struggling to get out, but I can usually sedate him with four or five cupcakes.” – Bob Thaves

Monday, December 2, 2019

A Touch Of Humor

“An alcoholic is someone you don’t like who drinks as much as you do.” – Dylan Thomas