Friday, April 16, 2021

A Touch Of Humor

The 4 Stages Of Christmas:

1) You believe in Santa.

2) You don't believe in Santa.

3) You are Santa.

4) You are Santa and beginning to get a tummy to match.

Author Unknown

Thursday, April 15, 2021

A Touch Of Humor

Funny Wrong Predictions:

"The Beatles Have No Future In Show Business." 

A Decca Records executive to the band’s manager, Brian Epstein, following an audition in 1962. He continued: “We don’t like your boys’ sound. Groups are out. Four-piece groups with guitars, particularly, are finished.”

Wednesday, April 14, 2021

A Touch Of Humor

Funny Wrong Predictions

“Television won’t last because people will soon get tired of staring at a plywood box every night.”  Darryl F. Zanuck, movie producer, studio executive, 20th Century Fox, 1946

Thank you to my friend Nick Miller for sharing this quote with us.

Tuesday, April 13, 2021

A Touch Of Humor

I never apologize ... I'm sorry but that's the way I am.

Homer Simpson

Monday, April 12, 2021

A Touch Of Humor

 A husband and wife in their sixties were coming up on their 40th wedding anniversary. 

Knowing his wife loved antiques, he bought a beautiful old brass oil lamp for her. When she unwrapped it, a genie appeared. He thanked them and gave each of them one wish.

The wife wished for an all expenses paid, first class, around the world cruise with her husband. Shazam! Instantly she was presented with tickets for the entire journey, plus expensive side trips, dinners, shopping, etc.
 
The husband, however, wished he had a female companion who was 30 years younger. Shazam! Instantly he turned 93 years old. 

Friday, April 9, 2021

A Touch Of Humor

Tired of how complex cell phones have become.

[Instead] “They have these phones for old people with the giant buttons like floor tiles, did you ever see that commercial? These are old people phones - two buttons… Your Kids [and] Ambulance. That’s it!”

 Jerry Seinfeld

Thursday, April 8, 2021

A Touch Of Humor

“I think the saddest day of my life was when I realized I could beat my dad at most things, and Bart experienced that at the age of four.”

Homer Simpson

Wednesday, April 7, 2021

A Touch Of Humor

Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.

Alex Levine

Tuesday, April 6, 2021

A Touch Of Humor

When I thought I was sick, my doctor told me to take plenty of liquids and get a lot of rest. [So] I drank until I passed out.

Rodney Dangerfield

Monday, April 5, 2021

A Touch Of Humor

According to the latest numbers, the world’s largest theater chain AMC Entertainment lost $4.6 billion in 2020. And experts say it could take up to 10 large popcorns to make it back.

Seth Meyers

Friday, April 2, 2021

A Touch Of Humor

Don’t worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.

Winston Churchill

Thursday, April 1, 2021

A Touch Of Humor

The Miami Heat [basketball team] will use COVID sniffing dogs to screen fans at games [looking for COVID]. Which brings us to our new segment, I have some questions:

First up – Since when are there dogs that can “sniff“ COVID? Next up – if a dog “sniffs“ COVID, won’t it get COVID? Follow up – can dogs get COVID? If they can, and a common symptom of COVID is loss of smell, how can you trust the dog to properly smell more COVID?

Jimmy Fallon