“Insomnia sharpens your math skills because you spend all night calculating how much sleep you’ll get if you’re able to ‘fall asleep right now.’”
“When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, "Why god? Why me?" and the thundering voice of God answered, There's just something about you that pisses me off.”― Stephen King,
Nineteen percent of doctors say that they'd be able to give their patients a lethal injection. But they also went on to say that the patient would have to be really, really behind on payments.
- Jay LenoRead more at https://www.brainyquote.com/authors/jay-leno-quotes
I had a stick of CareFree gum, but it didn't work. I felt pretty good while I was blowing that bubble, but as soon as the gum lost its flavor, I was back to pondering my mortality.
Read more at https://www.brainyquote.com/authors/mitch-hedberg-quotes
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.
- Henny YoungmanRead more at https://www.brainyquote.com/authors/henny-youngman-quotes