Tuesday, February 28, 2023

A Touch of Humor

 I bought some batteries, but they weren't included. 

-Steven Wright


Monday, February 27, 2023

A Touch of Humor

 I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.

-Joan Rivers

Friday, February 24, 2023

A Touch of Humor

 Me carrying a briefcase is like a hotdog wearing earrings. 

-Sparky Anderson


Thursday, February 23, 2023

A Touch of Humor

 I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three. 

-Elayne Boosler


Wednesday, February 22, 2023

A Touch of Humor

 If at first you don't succeed, find out if the loser gets anything. 

-William Lyon Phelps


Tuesday, February 21, 2023

A Touch of Humor

 I went window shopping today! I bought four windows. 

-Tommy Cooper

Read more at https://www.brainyquote.com/topics/funny-quotes_2

Monday, February 20, 2023

A Touch of Humor

 I was eating in a Chinese restaurant downtown. There was a dish called Mother and Child Reunion. It's chicken and eggs. And I said, I gotta use that one. 

-Paul Simon

Read more at https://www.brainyquote.com/topics/funny-quotes_2

Friday, February 17, 2023

A Touch of Humor

 Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday. 

-Don Marquis

Read more at https://www.brainyquote.com/topics/funny-quotes_2

Thursday, February 16, 2023

A Touch of Humor

 A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore. 

-Yogi Berra

Read more at https://www.brainyquote.com/topics/funny-quotes

Wednesday, February 15, 2023

A Touch of Humor

 I buy expensive suits. They just look cheap on me. 

-Warren Buffett

Read more at https://www.brainyquote.com/topics/funny-quotes

Tuesday, February 14, 2023

A Touch of Humor

 I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party. 

-Ron White

Read more at https://www.brainyquote.com/topics/funny-quotes

Monday, February 13, 2023

A Touch of Humor

 I learned a long time ago that reality was much weirder than anyone's imagination. 

-Hunter S. Thompson

Read more at https://www.brainyquote.com/authors/hunter-s-thompson-quotes

Friday, February 10, 2023

A Touch of Humor

 “A study in the Washington Post says that women have

better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the

authors of that study: 'Duh.”

― Conan O'Brien

Thursday, February 9, 2023

A Touch of Humor

 “Everything in this room is edible. Even I'm edible. But, that would be called canibalism. It is looked down upon in most societies.”

― Tim Burton, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

Wednesday, February 8, 2023

A Touch of Humor

 “If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.”

― Groucho Marx

Tuesday, February 7, 2023

A Touch of Humor

 “If you're horrible to me, I'm going to write a song about it, and you won't like it. That's how I operate.”

― Taylor Swift

Monday, February 6, 2023

A Touch of Humor

 “Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.”

― Groucho Marx

Friday, February 3, 2023

A Touch of Humor

 “The trouble with being in the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.”

― Lily Tomlin

Thursday, February 2, 2023

A Touch of Humor

 “To be is to do - Socrates

To do is to be - Sartre

Do Be Do Be Do - Sinatra”

― Kurt Vonnegut

Wednesday, February 1, 2023

A Touch of Humor

 “When beetles fight these battles in a bottle with their paddles

and the bottle's on a poodle and the poodle's eating noodles...

...they call this a muddle puddle tweetle poodle beetle noodle

bottle paddle battle.”

― Dr. Seuss, Fox in Socks