A study of economics usually reveals that the best time to buy anything is last year.
Marty Allen
A study of economics usually reveals that the best time to buy anything is last year.
Marty Allen
By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.
Robert Frost
A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
Groucho Marx
Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile.
Billy Sunday
I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about their motives.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.
Bill Waterson
When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.
Albert Einstein
Read more at https://www.brainyquote.com/topics/funny-quotes_5I quit therapy because my analyst was trying to help me behind my back.
Richard Lewis
Read more at https://www.brainyquote.com/topics/funny-quotes_4Only the mediocre are always at their best.
Jean Giraudoux
Read more at https://www.brainyquote.com/topics/funny-quotesPeople who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think.
George Carlin
Read more at https://www.brainyquote.com/authors/george-carlin-quotesEvery time I go and shave, I assume there's someone else on the planet shaving. So I say, 'I'm gonna go shave, too.'
Mitch Hedberg
Read more at https://www.brainyquote.com/authors/mitch-hedberg-quotes"Badges? We ain't got no badges! We don't need no badges! I don't have to show you any stinking badges!"
THE TREASURE OF THE SIERRA MADRE, Warner Bros., 1948
"You can't fool me! There ain't no sanity clause!"
- Chico Marx, A Night at the Opera (1935)
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
George Carlin
Read more at https://www.brainyquote.com/authors/george-carlin-quotesAn escalator can never break: it can only become stairs. You should never see an Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order sign, just Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience.
Mitch Hedberg
Read more at https://www.brainyquote.com/authors/mitch-hedberg-quotes