Friday, November 29, 2019

A Touch Of Humor

I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

Rodney Dangerfield

Tuesday, November 26, 2019

A Touch Of Humor

Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time ... I think I've forgotten this before.

Steven Wright

A Touch Of Humor

“I’m an atheist and I thank God for it.” 
George Bernard Shaw

A Touch Of Humor

“Children today are tyrants. They contradict their parents, gobble their food, and tyrannize their teachers.” – Socrates (Circa 400 BC)

Monday, November 25, 2019

A Touch Of Humor

"Facts are stupid things."
—Ronald Reagan, at the 1988 Republican National Convention, attempting to quote John Adams, who said, "Facts are stubborn things"

Friday, November 22, 2019

A Touch Of Humor

“In the past 10,000 years, humans have devised roughly 100,000 religions based on roughly 2,500 gods. So the only difference between myself and the believers is that I am skeptical of 2,500 gods whereas they are skeptical of 2,499 gods. We’re only one God away from total agreement.” – Michael Shermer

Thursday, November 21, 2019

A Touch Of Humor

“Facebook just sounds like a drag, in my day seeing pictures of people’s vacations was considered a punishment.” – Betty White (97-years-old)

Wednesday, November 20, 2019

A Touch Of Humor

Humor published on my friend Tom Brown’s Facebook Page:

Universal Laws

1) Law of Probability - The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

2) Law of Biomechanics – The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

3) Law of Logical Argument – Anything is possible if you don’t know what you’re talking about.

Tuesday, November 19, 2019

A Touch Of Humor

“A verbal contract isn’t worth the paper it’s written on.” – Samuel Goldwyn

Monday, November 18, 2019

A Touch Of Humor

“Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.” – Redd Foxx

Friday, November 15, 2019

A Touch Of Humor

They say there are about 12 million illegal immigrants in this country. But if you ask a Native American, that number is more like 300 million.

David Letterman

Thursday, November 14, 2019

A Touch Of Humor

“The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets.”

– Al McGuire

Wednesday, November 13, 2019

A Touch Of Humor

"In the first place, God made idiots. This was for practice. Then He made school boards."  - Mark Twain

Tuesday, November 12, 2019

A Touch Of Humor

4 Stages Of Life

1) You believe in Santa Claus
2) You don't believe in Santa Claus
3) You are Santa Claus
4) You look like Santa Claus

Author Unknown

Monday, November 11, 2019

A Touch Of Humor

It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.

Dave Barry

Friday, November 8, 2019

A Touch Of Humor

I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.

Rodney Dangerfield

Thursday, November 7, 2019

A Touch Of Humor

Dear Reader: This Is From A Real Taco Company Ad

“Every taco is hand-rolled with exotic Mexican spices by genuine Mayan virgins.

Or, Carlos, depending on who's available.”

Wednesday, November 6, 2019

A Touch Of Humor

"Call me a dreamer, but I think it would be great if getting medical attention were as easy as getting a gun."

Andy Borowitz

Tuesday, November 5, 2019

A Touch Of Humor

NASA's Mars Lander found traces of ice and salt on Mars. Right now it's searching for tequila.

David Letterman

Monday, November 4, 2019

A Touch Of Humor

“Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair.” – Sam Ewing

Friday, November 1, 2019

A Touch Of Humor

“Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.”– Abraham Lincoln