Tuesday, January 31, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

Thomas Jefferson said, "The tree of liberty must be fertilized from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants." Yeah and I heard that and thought, "I'm out!"

Christopher Titus

Monday, January 30, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

Taco Bell has an exciting new item — the Naked Chicken Chalupa. It’s basically a taco with a shell made out of fried chicken, just in time for Obamacare to go away. I guess they decided to call it the Naked Crispy Chicken Chalupa because “I’ve Given Up on Life Chalupa” wasn’t testing well.
Jimmy Kimmel

Sunday, January 29, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

A Russian billionaire reportedly paid over $4 million to have Mariah Carey and Sir Elton John perform at his teenage granddaughter’s wedding. Said his teenage granddaughter, “Who are these people?”

Seth Meyers

Saturday, January 28, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

I turned on my iPhone today to check the news and Siri said, "Are you sitting down?"

Bill Maher

Friday, January 27, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

I gotta' work out. I keep saying it all the time. I keep saying I gotta' start working out. It's been about two months since I've worked out. And I just don't have the time. Which uh...is odd. Because I have the time to go out to dinner. And uh...and watch TV. And get a bone density test. And uh...try to figure out what my phone number spells in words.

Ellen DeGeneres

Thursday, January 26, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

McDonald’s is coming out with an extra-large Big Mac called the Grand Mac. The Grand Mac’s slogan is “You’re gonna die anyway, why wait?”
Conan O'Brien

Wednesday, January 25, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

It was announced that Alex Rodriguez will host a reality TV show featuring former athletes who are now broke. Or as that’s already known, “Dancing With the Stars.”
Conan O'Brien

Tuesday, January 24, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

Analysts say China is gearing up for a trade war with the United States. Here’s how it’s gonna go: China will say, “We have all your iPhones,” and we’ll say, “We surrender.”
Conan O'Brien

Monday, January 23, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

Worrying is paying interest on a debt you might not even owe.

Mark Twain

Sunday, January 22, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

According to a new study, women are evolutionarily programmed to regret one-night stands. At least, that has been my experience.
Conan O'Brien

A Touch of Humor


A Touch of Humor

                                                                         Greg Perry

Saturday, January 21, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

There was alarming news you may have seen about the environment this week. Federal scientists announced that 2016 was the planet’s hottest year on record and this was probably due to man-made climate change. The good news is, in a few years, you’ll be able to get a pretty sweet tan. The bad news is, the beach you’ll visit to get that tan is gonna be in Idaho.
James Corden

Friday, January 20, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

Just what is the handicapped parking situation at the Special Olympics? Is it still just the two spaces?

Jerry Seinfeld

Thursday, January 19, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey is officially shutting down. Apparently, the circus doesn't think it could compete against a Trump presidency.
Stephen Colbert

Tuesday, January 17, 2017

A Touch of Humor

                                                A Perspective                  Google Images

A Touch Of Humor

They have the greeting cards with the couples on the front. They photograph them. These hazy focus people. They’re always having picnics. There’s always a tree, a pond… who are these people? I don’t know them. I don’t want them on my card either. What am I going to write inside there anyway? “Here’s another couple having a better relationship than us.”

Jerry Seinfeld

Monday, January 16, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

Hostess is recalling its white peppermint Twinkies over salmonella concerns. But I guess they canceled the recall when the salmonella was killed by the stuff that was already in the Twinkie.

Jimmy Fallon

Sunday, January 15, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

“If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?”

Jerry Seinfeld

Saturday, January 14, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

According to a new study, the average cost of raising a child in America is now over $200,000. The study was funded by Trojan condoms.
Conan O'Brien

Friday, January 13, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

More than 60 cities around the world celebrated the 16th annual No Pants Subway Ride yesterday. Or as that one guy on your train calls it, “Sunday.”
Seth Meyers

Thursday, January 12, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

Today marks the 10-year anniversary of the iPhone. The Samsung Galaxy Note 7 even celebrated with a fireworks display.
James Corden

Wednesday, January 11, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

Later this month, Google will be testing its new self-driving minivans. The vehicles can do all the functions of a human driver, except wonder, “Christ, how did I end up driving a minivan?”
Conan O'Brien

Tuesday, January 10, 2017

A Touch of Humor

                                                                             Google Images

A Touch of Humor

                                                                                  Google Images

A Touch Of Humor

All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should have been more specific.

Jane Wagner

Monday, January 9, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

'Classic.' A book which people praise and don't read.

Mark Twain

Sunday, January 8, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

I love blackjack. But I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semicircle.

Mitch Hedberg

Saturday, January 7, 2017

A Touch of Humor

                                                                           Google Images

A Touch of Humor


A Touch Of Humor

Honesty may be the best policy, but it’s important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.

George Carlin

Friday, January 6, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

Normal people terrify me, because they haven’t had enough problems in their life to know how to handle problems when they come up. Something little happens and they snap. But being from a disfunctional family means nothing rattles me. Hey once you’ve driven a drunken father to moms’ parole hearing, what else is there?

Christopher Titus

Thursday, January 5, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

“Reality is the leading cause of stress amongst those in touch with it.” 

Jane Wagner

Wednesday, January 4, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

"36% of Americans say they've heard the voice of God. It's not clear of that 36% how many people are mistaking the voice of God for the voice of Morgan Freeman."

John Oliver

Tuesday, January 3, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

Politicians, old buildings, and prostitutes become respectable with age.

Mark Twain

Monday, January 2, 2017

A Touch Of Humor

If I'm not back in five minutes... just wait longer!

Jim Carrey

Sunday, January 1, 2017

A Touch of Humor

                                         This is the highlight of my day.     Google Images

A Touch of Humor


A Touch Of Humor

When someone is impatient and says, "I haven't got all day," I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day?

George Carlin