A Touch Of Humor

 “Laughing at our mistakes can lengthen our own life. Laughing at someone else’s can shorten it.”

– Cullen Hightower

A Touch Of Humor

My whole family is nuts. I remember my aunt. She used to make embroidered inspirational pillows. Yeah. One day she smothered my uncle with one of them. The last thing he saw coming at him was 'Today is the first day of the rest of your life.'

Karen Rontowski

A Touch Of Humor

I lent a friend of mine $10,000 for plastic surgery and now I don't know what he looks like.

Emo Phillips

A Touch Of Humor

Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos announced earlier this week his foundation will open its first preschool called The Bezos Academy. Big deal. Netflix has been running a preschool in my living room for months.

Seth Meyers

A Touch Of Humor

And my wife, she's a beauty. I told her I'm seeing a psychiatrist. She told me she's seeing a psychiatrist, a bar tender and two plumbers.

Rodney Dangerfield

A Touch Of Humor

“I saw a study that said speaking in front of a crowd is considered the number one fear of the average person. Number two was death. This means to the average person, if you have to be at a funeral, you would rather be in the casket than doing the eulogy.”

—Jerry Seinfeld

A Touch Of Humor

We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.

Will Rogers

A Touch Of Humor

The Simpsons, just before leaving on a trip:

Homer: Whoa, this trip is going to cost how much?

Marge: I know it’s expensive but we spend our whole lives worrying about money.

Homer: That’s because we don’t have that much. We have a mortgage, a reverse mortgage, I think the house is owned by the car.

A Touch Of Humor

“If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.”

– Johnny Carson

A Touch Of Humor

President Biden had his first call yesterday with Russian President Vladimir Putin. He didn’t mean to. He was just talking to one of the plants in the Oval Office and it talked back.

Seth Meyers

A Touch Of Humor

 “Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.”

—Groucho Marx

A Touch Of Humor

  “I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort.”

—Zach Galifianakis

A Touch Of Humor

[Since becoming President] Biden also changed some of the décor swapping the previous President's portrait of Andrew Jackson to one of Benjamin Franklin. That's nice! Replacing a notoriously racist President with a celebrated founding father. Plus just trading a Jackson for a Benjamin you clear about 80 bucks.

Stephen Colbert

A Touch Of Humor

"The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age."

 ~Lucille Ball (1911 - 1989) (Actress, Comedian, Movie Studio President)

Humor from sister Lorrie Kazan's Prosperity Meditation

A Touch Of Humor

Big news today from the business world ... because Amazon announced that their CEO Jeff Bezos will be stepping down. In his absence, Bezos will be turning over the reins to the company’s long time cloud-computing boss Andy Jassy. In the end, I’m just impressed that the company that delivered my dog food and espresso pads had a more peaceful transfer of power than the United States government. 

Stephen Colbert 

A Touch Of Humor

Funny Wrong Predictions

"Remote shopping, while entirely feasible, will flop."

Time magazine, 1966

A Touch Of Humor

Food for thought ...

Wouldn't it be ironic if Popeye's Chicken was fried in Olive Oil.

Author Unknown

A Touch Of Humor

43-year-old Tampa Bay Buccaneers quarterback Tom Brady will be the oldest player to play in the Super Bowl. Though he will still be the youngest person in Tampa. 

Seth Meyers 

A Touch Of Humor

It’s not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day.

 - Homer Simpson

A Touch Of Humor

Coke with Coffee is finally here! Perfect for everyone saying, ‘I wish my refreshing cola made me more jittery. Yeah, sure, I’ve got the heart rate of a hummingbird and the blood pressure of a pneumatic jack, but I don’t quite feel like I could flip a minivan.’

Stephen Colbert