A Touch Of Humor

I saw that Queen Elizabeth and Prince Philip are celebrating their 70th anniversary by getting new portraits together. It was a big day for them — and a huge day for the photographer at Sears.

Jimmy Fallon

A Touch Of Humor

A couple in Arkansas who love the Olive Garden have named their infant daughter “Olivia Garton.” Olivia went home today, where she joined her big brother, Hooters.

Conan O'Brien

A Touch Of Humor

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.

Mark Twain

A Touch Of Humor

Astronomers announced today that they have discovered an earth-sized planet in our corner of the galaxy that is potentially habitable by humans. Yeah, they think the planet may have breathable air and drinkable water, which is impressive because we barely have those things here in Los Angeles.

James Corden

A Touch Of Humor

All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.

Casey Stengel (Former Baseball Team Manager)

A Touch Of Humor

I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.

Lily Tomlin

A Touch Of Humor

We owe a lot to Thomas Edison - if it was not for him, we'd be watching television by candlelight.

Milton Berle

A Touch Of Humor

The White House has announced that President Trump will pardon two turkeys at a ceremony tomorrow, despite the fact that both turkeys lied under oath about meeting with Russian officials.

Seth Meyers

A Touch Of Humor

A new study finds that playing outside may help kids’ eyesight.  Kids were like, cool, and then just took their iPads outside. 

Jimmy Fallon

A Touch of Humor

                                                                Hal's Unfortunate Birthmark

                                                                                 Google Images

A Touch Of Humor

“I have noticed that even 
people who claim everything is pre­determined and that we can do nothing to change it look 
before they cross the road.” —Stephen Hawking, preeminent physicist

A Touch Of Humor

I believe that children are our future. Unless we stop them now.

Homer Simpson

A Touch Of Humor

Joe Biden said he’s open to running for president if no other Democrats step up. You know your party’s in trouble when someone signs up for president the way you sign up for karaoke.

Jimmy Fallon 

A Touch Of Humor

“My advice to you is get married: If you find a good wife you’ll be happy; if not, you’ll become a philosopher.”  —Socrates (Famed Philosopher)

A Touch Of Humor

“The Democrats seem to be basically nicer people, but they have demonstrated time and again that they have the management skills of celery. They're the kind of people who'd stop to help you change a flat, but would somehow manage to set your car on fire. I would be reluctant to entrust them with a Cuisinart, let alone the economy. The Republicans, on the other hand, would know how to fix your tire, but they wouldn't bother to stop because they'd want to be on time for Ugly Pants Night at the country club” 
― Dave Barry

A Touch Of Humor

"You can have all the money in the world, but there's one thing you will never have ... a dinosaur!".

Homer Simpson

A Touch Of Humor

“Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.” 
― Woody Allen

A Touch Of Humor

“The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.” —Tom Clancy, bestselling author

A Touch Of Humor

A coach for the Miami Dolphins had to resign after a video surfaced of him snorting white powder. Afterwards, the team was like, “So THAT’S why the 50-yard line kept disappearing.”

Jimmy Fallon

A Touch of Humor

In Wisconsin, a child’s trick-or-treat bag was found to contain meth. On the plus side, the kid did manage to hit 19 houses in under two minutes.

Conan O'Brien

A Touch Of Humor

“He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.”

Oscar Wilde

A Touch Of Humor

Big Olympic news: The IOC said they may consider including pole-dancing, poker, and foosball in the next Olympics Games. They also said it’s the first Olympics that will be held in a frat house basement.

Conan O'Brien