A Touch Of Humor - Jon Stewart - Religion

Religion. It’s given people hope in a world torn apart by religion. 

Jon Stewart (Former Talk Show Host, Popular Comedian)

A Touch Of Humor

People in LA are deathly afraid of gluten. I swear to god, you could rob a liquor store in this city with a bagel. Ryan Reynolds

A Touch Of Humor

I hate when new parents ask who the baby looks like ! It was born 15 minutes ago it looks like a potato. Kevin Hart (Popular Comedian, Actor)

A Touch Of Humor

“Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear.” 
― Dave Barry

A Touch Of Humor

Now, for my younger viewers out there, a book is something we used to have before the Internet. It’s sort of a blog for people with attention spans. Stephen Colbert

A Touch Of Humor

A Harvard Medical School study has determined that rectal thermometers are still the best way to tell a baby’s temperature. Plus, it really teaches the baby who’s boss. Tina Fey

A Touch Of Humor

I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks. Steve Martin

A Touch Of Humor

Whenever someone calls me ugly I get super sad and hug them, because I know how tough life is for the visually impaired. Will Ferrell

A Touch Of Humor

I failed kindergarten because I couldn’t spell my last name. Zach Galifianakis

A Touch Of Humor

If America leads a blessed life, then why did God put all of our oil under people who hate us? Jon Stewart

A Touch Of Humor

Do we have to worry about who’s gay and who’s straight? Can’t we just love everybody and judge them by the car they drive? Ellen DeGeneres

A Touch Of Humor

My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. Rodney Dangerfield

A Touch Of Humor

“Before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you do criticize him, you'll be a mile away and have his shoes.” 
― Steve Martin

A Touch Of Humor

"When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around.

But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much he had grown in seven years."

Mark Twain

A Touch Of Humor

• A group of scientists in Singapore built a robot that can put together Ikea furniture. That's when you know something's wrong, when it's easier to build a robot than an Ikea dresser. - Jimmy Fallon

A Touch Of Humor

The investment banking firm Goldman Sachs joined Instagram in an attempt to endear themselves to a new generation. Today, Goldman posted a meme that said, "We're the reason your parents lost your childhood home." - Conan O'Brien

A Touch Of Humor

• Dunkin' Donuts is now selling its first ever gluten free product. It’s called a “cup.” - Seth Meyers

A Touch Of Humor

Weight Watchers announced it's changing its name. They've changed their name to "Screw It, Have the Fudge." - Conan O'Brien

A Touch Of Humor

President Trump said in a new interview that he is an "absolute 'no' on possible statehood for Puerto Rico." And then — this is concerning — he said the same thing about Vermont. - Seth Meyers

A Touch Of Humor

North and South Korea say they want to host the 2032 Summer Olympics together. The highlight will be when the athletes try pole-vaulting from North Korea into South Korea. 

- Jimmy Fallon

A Touch Of Humor

Alaska Airlines might start giving out virtual reality headsets to first-class passengers. Meanwhile, if you're in coach, they just duct tape an in-flight magazine to your forehead.

Jimmy Fallon