A Touch of Humor

 The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30 percent of their ice cream.

Bill Murray

A Touch of Humor

 If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?

Milton Berle

A Touch of Humor

 When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.

Will Rogers

A Touch of Humor

 If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it.

W.C. Fields

A Touch of Humor

 A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.

Winston Chruchill

A Touch Of Humor

I was walking down Fifth Avenue today and I found a wallet, and I was gonna keep it, rather than return it, but I thought: well, if l lost a hundred and fifty dollars, how would I feel? And I realized I would want ot be taught a lesson.

Emo Philips

A Touch Of Humor

There is nothing more miserable in the world than to arrive in paradise and look like your passport photo.

Erma Bombeck

A Touch of Humor

Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.

Dale Carnegie

A Touch of Humor

I don’t believe in astrology; I’m a Sagittarius and we’re skeptical.

Arthur C. Clarke

A Touch of Humor

  “Oh God gets your prayers, but he just clicks delete without reading them...”

- Homer Simpson, Season 26, Episode 16,  'Sky Police'.

A Touch Of Humor

I saw that Elon Musk just passed Jeff Bezos as the richest person in the world. Anyway, if you can, hit up Jeff’s GoFundMe page, and let’s help him get back to Number 1. 

Jimmy Fallon

A Touch Of Humor

“Remember, being healthy is basically dying as slowly as possible.”

Ricky Gervais 

A Touch Of Humor

Meanwhile, toymaker Hasbro just said it would raise the price of its games and toys as the cost of raw materials increases. Yeah. Now they’re just selling boxes that say, toy not included.

Jimmy Fallon

A Touch of Humor

 

A Touch of Humor

 

A Touch of Humor

 “Grape works as a soda. Sort of as a gum. I wonder why it doesn’t work as a pie. Grape pie? There’s no grape pie.”

— Larry David, Curb Your Enthusiasm, Season 2: The Baptism

A Touch of Humor

 When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity. 

Albert Einstein

brainyquote.com/

A Touch of Humor

 

What’s the different between a cat and a comma?

A cat has claws at the end of paws; A comma is a pause at the end of a clause.

A Touch of Humor

 Hear about the new restaurant called Karma?

There’s no menu: You get what you deserve.

A Touch of Humor

 

A Touch of Humor

 

A Touch of Humor