A Touch of Humor

 

“My wife and I have an agreement: I don’t try to run her life, and I don’t try to run mine.”

— Rodney Dangerfield

A Touch of Humor

 

“My wife and I don’t argue. We just have loud, passionate exchanges of opinion.”

— Bill Burr

A Touch of Humor

 

“Marriage is like a walk in the park… Jurassic Park.”

— Robin Williams

A Touch of Humor

 

“The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you’re still a rat.”

— Lily Tomlin

A Touch of Humor

 

“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.”

— Oscar Wilde

A Touch of Humor

 

“Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.”

— George Carlin

A Touch of Humor

 

“I like nonsense—it wakes up the brain cells.”

— Dr. Seuss

A Touch of Humor

 

“I don’t need anger management. I need people to stop being idiots.”

— Bill Burr

A Touch of Humor

 

“If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.”

— Dalai Lama

A Touch of Humor

 

“All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner.”

— Red Skelton

A Touch of Humor

 

“My wife and I always compromise. I admit I’m wrong, and she agrees with me.”

— Milton Berle

A Touch of Humor

 

“I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.”

— Groucho Marx

A Touch of Humor

 

“Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant twice a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music… she goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.”

— Henny Youngman

A Touch of Humor

 

“Hotel breakfast buffets are where scrambled eggs go to retire.”

— Jim Gaffigan

A Touch of Humor

 

“Travel teaches you patience, humility, and how to sleep sitting upright.”

— Bill Murray

A Touch of Humor

 

“They tell you to put your oxygen mask on first before helping others. Which is exactly how I treat relationships.”

— Whitney Cummings

A Touch of Humor

 

“Hotel pillows are either rocks or marshmallows.”

— Jim Gaffigan

A Touch of Humor

 

“Nothing bonds strangers like complaining about traffic.”

— Wanda Sykes

A Touch of Humor

 

“Couples don’t fight. They just passionately explain why they’re right.”

— Bill Burr

A Touch of Humor

 

“Common sense is genius dressed in its working clothes.”

— Ralph Waldo Emerson