“A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.”
— Steven Wright
“I’m at the age where I still do stupid things… but slower.”
— Dave Chappelle
“I don’t get no respect. When I was born, the doctor slapped my mother.”
— Rodney Dangerfield
“Marriage is a long conversation interrupted by naps.”
— Joan Rivers
“Relationships are about compromise. Mostly mine.”
— Bill Burr