A Touch Of Humor

Geographically, Ireland is a medium-sized rural island that is slowly but steadily being consumed by sheep.

Dave Barry

A Touch Of Humor

“If you're Native American and you pray to the wolves, you're a savage. If you're African and you pray to your ancestors, you're a primitive. But when white people pray to a guy who turns water into wine, well, that's just common sense.” 
― Trevor Noah, Born a Crime: Stories From a South African Childhood

A Touch Of Humor

The Golden Gate Bridge should have a long bungee cord for people who aren’t quite ready to commit suicide but want to get in a little practice.

George Carlin

A Touch Of Humor

If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.

Erma Bombeck

A Touch Of Humor

You know that look that women get when they want to have sex? Me neither.

Steve Martin

A Touch Of Humor

To me, political office should be like jury duty. You should just get a notice in the mail one day and say, 'Aw shit, I'm secretary of state next month.'

Wanda Sykes

A Touch Of Humor

Authorities in South Carolina have dropped drug charges against a college football player after a test proved the white substance on the hood of his car was bird poop, not cocaine. Though I can understand their suspicion because everyone knows the best place to hide cocaine is on the hood of your car.

Seth Meyers.