A Touch Of Humor

Christmas is the one time of year when people of all religions come together to worship Santa Claus.

Bart Simpson

A Touch Of Humor

It wasn't that long ago when a kid in America broke his leg, his parents took him to the local Catholic hospital, the nun stuck a thermometer in his ass, the doctor slapped some plaster on his ankle, and you were done. The bill was $1.50; plus, you got to keep the thermometer. 

Bill Maher

A Touch Of Humor

“Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he'll buy a funny hat. Talk to a hungry man about fish, and you're a consultant.” 
― Scott Adams (Bestselling Comedy Writer, Creator of the Dilbert comic strip)

A Touch Of Humor

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.”– Bob Hope

A Touch Of Humor

“If I stand here, I can see the Little Red Haired girl when she comes out of her house... Of course, if she sees me peeking around this tree, she'll think I'm the dumbest person in the world... But if I don't peek around the tree, I'll never see her... Which means I probably AM the dumbest person in the world... which explains why I'm standing in a batch of poison oak.” 

- Charlie Brown (“Peanuts”) 

A Touch Of Humor

“I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend ... if you have one."
— George Bernard Shaw, playwright (to British Prime Minister Winston Churchill)

"Cannot possibly attend first night; will attend second, if there is one."
— Churchill's response” 
― George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950) (Renowned British Playwright)

A Touch Of Humor

The broccoli says 'I look like a small tree', the mushroom says 'I look like an umbrella', the walnut says 'I look like a brain', and the banana says 'Can we please change the subject?' 

Anonymous