A Touch Of Humor

Oh, I saw that Martha Stewart just announced the release of her 99th Cookbook. 99! At this point the recipes are just I dunno know – bologna on an Oreo?

Jimmy Fallon

A Touch Of Humor

I saw that Guinness just debuted a new beer with Nitro Cold Brew Coffee in it. The perfect gift for the sluggish drunk in your life. It’s a great product if you want your heart to feel like it’s napping and skydiving at the same time. 

Jimmy Fallon

A Touch Of Humor

A young punk gets on the cross-town bus. He's got spiked, multi-colored hair that's green, purple, and orange. His clothes are a tattered mix of leather rags. His legs are bare and he's wearing worn-out shoes. His entire face and body are riddled with pierced jewelry and his earrings are big, bright feathers. He sits down in the only vacant seat that's directly across from an old man who glares at him for the next ten miles. Finally, the punk gets self-conscious and barks at the old man, "What are you looking at you old fart... didn't you ever do anything wild when you were young?" Without missing a beat, the old man replies, "Yeah, back when I was young and in the Navy, I got really drunk one night in Singapore and screwed a parrot.... I thought maybe you were my son.''

Unijokes.com

A Touch Of Humor

That’s the story of my life! No respect! I don’t get no respect at all! Well when I was born the doctor told my mother – I did all I could but he pulled through anyway.

Rodney Dangerfield

A Touch Of Humor

[The Oscars’ Low TV Ratings] One of the winners went up there and did that thing they always do: He thanked his Agent and God and told his kids, “Go to bed kids.” And the babysitter texted back: “They already did.”

Bill Maher

A Touch Of Humor

[Vacationing in an RV during COVID-19] But this year when families were housebound with one another, living, working and schooling all under the same roof everybody was naturally thinking: I wish there was a way we could do all this in an even smaller space but with a chemical toilet in traffic.

 Stephen Colbert 

A Touch Of Humor

A lady goes to her parish priest one day and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots but they only know how to say one thing."

"What do they say?" the priest inquired.

"They say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?'" the woman said embarrassingly.

"That's obscene!" the priest exclaimed, "I can see why you are embarrassed."

He thought a minute and then said, "You know, I may have a solution to this problem. I have two male parrots whom I have taught to pray and read the Bible. Bring your two parrots over to my house and we will put them in the cage with Francis and Job. My parrots can teach your parrots to praise and worship. I'm sure your parrots will stop saying that...that phrase in no time."

"Thank you," the lady responded, "this may very well be the solution."

The next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest's house. As he ushered her in, she saw his two male parrots were inside their cage, holding their rosary beads and praying. Impressed, she walked over and placed her parrots in with them.

After just a couple of seconds, the female parrots exclaimed out in unison, "Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?"

There was a stunned silence. Finally, one male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and said, "Put the beads away, Francis, our prayers have been answered!"

Unijokes.com