A Touch Of Humor

Tuesday, August 25, 2026

"I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man, I keep his house."

Zsa Zsa Gabor (1917 - 2016) (Actress, Socialite, and Celebrated Wit)

"Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before."

Mae West (1893 - 1980) (Actress, Playwright, Screenwriter, and Legendary Comic Wit)

"The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing—and then marry him."

Cher (1946 - ) (Singer, Actress, Entertainer, and Pop-Culture Icon)

"My wife is on a new diet. Coconuts and bananas. She hasn't lost weight, but can she climb a tree!"

Henny Youngman (1906 - 1998) (Legendary Comedian and King of the One-Liners)

"Never put off till tomorrow what may be done day after tomorrow just as well."

Mark Twain (1835 - 1910) (Author, Humorist, and Celebrated American Writer)

"I bought some batteries, but they weren't included."

Steven Wright (1955 - ) (Stand-Up Comedian and Master of Deadpan One-Liners)

"I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap."

Rodney Dangerfield (1921 - 2004) (Stand-Up Legend and Master of Self-Deprecating Humor)