A Touch Of Humor

Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses me off! I'll go over to a little baby and say 'What are you doing here? You haven't worked a day in your life!' 

Steven Wright

brainyquote.com

A Touch Of Humor

I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, 'You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit.' As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammible and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit

. Mitch Hedberg

brainyquote.com

A Touch Of Humor

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. 

George Carlin

brainyquote.com

A Touch of Humor

 When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. 

Henny Youngman

brainyquote.com

A Touch of Humor

 

A Touch Of Humor

This is interesting. I saw that Amazon has launched a new invite only section of its site called ‘Luxury Stores.’ [CNN: “At Amazon’s new ‘Luxury Stores,’ you can’t buy anything unless you’re invited.”] That’s nice. Now you can order a $5000 Oscar de la Renta gown and then have the package hurled over your fence.

Jimmy Fallon

A Touch Of Humor

I'm going to marry a Jewish woman because I like the idea of getting up Sunday morning and going to the deli.

- Michael J. Fox

brainyquote.com